sometimes i think i'm masochistic

i should be upfront bout this... i'm pathetic.

for the longest time ever known to mankind, i've been into someone. and i never ever told him. if that's not pathetic enough, let me take it up another notch... we never even 'dated', heck we seldom talked or hung out.

yes, throw it at me. all those 'he's just not that into you' lines. i know all of this... but well i guess my heart hasn't quite figured it out yet.

so sometimes i actually do a pretty darn good job at pretending that i'm over him. and sometimes i even manage to convince myself. but then there are some other days like these... days when your best friend mentions him and suddenly you feel like your heart is beating incredibly fast.

i'm suddenly reminded bout everything that i like bout him. all the strange quirks, all his positive attributes. how he makes me smile. how he makes my heart smile. negative stuff like he's flaky and he's just not that into me flies outta the window.

and then it hits me. gosh! i'm still into him.

what's wrong with me?? i must be masochistic or something to like someone who doesn't even bother bout me. or is there something really special bout him that i find myself holding on? does it mean anything that i've been true blue (sorta...) to him for sooo long?

arrgh! i'm pathetic... 'coz yes, i still like him...