art exhibitions bring out my reflective and pensive side

i may not have seen my family friend's setup for 2.5 years but when we finally met up again, it was like we were never really apart. sure, there seemed to be a fair amount of catchup and conversations beginning with questions such as "so what has happened in the last 2.5 years?" but in the main, we just got along as wonderfully as we always had.

that's the thing that always got to me. how well we get along. in one of our first few solo meetups, we spent a whopping 8 hours together with no clue how time just passed like that. and that's the way with us. we can spend hours with each other and just laugh and have a great time. i think we're fairly similar with the same kooky sense of humor. it just works.

but it didn't work. back then i was always wondering if we were strictly platonic (we certainly acted it, even down to going dutch) or if we were platonic with a possible potential for more. i guess the "answer" that i got in the end was that we were platonic, seeing as how he never really made a move.

and yet, it's true that the chemistry and "compatability" is undeniable. even right now, after years of not meeting up and an additional few years before that since we were "seeing each other", i can still feel it and i don't think i'm lying to myself when i say that i reckon he feels it too. maybe i'm overthinking this but i think that there was always a part of him that was somewhat interested in me. granted, it wasn't enough for him to make a move but i would find it hard to beleive that he wasn't at all interested.

looking back, i kinda think i might even know why he wasn't more interested. simply put, back then i wasn't always quite the girl a good guy might date. and i reckon he's a relatively good guy. 4 years ago i was living the party lifestyle. i knocked back drinks hard and fast. i had my fair share of random makeouts. and even though i was always quite the prude, there was still some questionable behavior. i guess i just wasn't at the right place to get committed, i wasn't the right girl to get committed to. and he was too busy in his life as well.

maybe he's still too busy. he has a girlfriend of on/off 2.5 years who moved to another country to work a year ago. she realised that she didn't like the place and decided to come back in a few months time. she had previously hinted that she wanted to settle down but he wasn't ready. i get the feeling that he still isn't ready. that is somewhat evident when he answers with a "we'll see how it goes when she gets back."

it brought me back to the age old question... how do you know if it's 'coz you're just not ready or if it's not the right person?