the draft series: sep 2006

****

original date: 21 sep 2006
title: the guys in myspace

yes, i have a myspace account. but i hardly go on there and don't even pimp my page. all i have is a bare bones page with some normal pics posted. but somehow it seems that whenever i have logged into myspace to check a message or comment that one of my actual friends have left, i get a flood of messages from random guys immediately after.

i think there is something innately wrong with the guys in myspace.

sure every now and then i get a message from a random guy who seems nice and normal...

"you don't know me but i was hoping you could help me real quick. i'm likely moving to *where i am* within a few months and i am just trying figure out what life is going to be like over there"

"i'm going to *where i am* and i just saw your profile and you looked cool so i thought i'd ask you about *where i am*... what can i do when i go there??? your photos are very cool by the way"

apparently my version of the nice and normal random guy is one who asks me for tour guide advice haha!

but more often than not, i'm getting messages and requests to be friends from guys who are just plain weird.

first of all, i do not understand why would some guys request to be my friend when they haven't even sent me a message. and a message simply saying hi is not really a message. it just shows that they have no idea what to even talk bout.

then there are there are the flattering messages...

"i think you are beautiful. i think you looke good with the *my hair style*. i wish i could meet you for a couple night on the town..."

i never understood if he meant 'couple of nights' or a 'couple night'. either way i wasn't interested. plus his big burly muscles scared me off.

"noticed you big expressive eyes and sweet wide smiles..."

i have neither big expressive eyes nor sweet wide smiles.

"dearest pretty, how are you today? hope you are cool... pls could i know more about you. i will like us to be friends and know ourselves too well..."

dearest pretty? that's just too funny. and no thanks, i already know myself too well...

"hey lil mama... looking darrn fine i had 2 send a shadout!... darrn kip doin wat u doin babygurl... hit me aite..."

i couldn't figure out if he had really bad spelling or if he was just too ghetto.

then there are the job ads kind of messages...

"would you like to join me as a *car brand* sales exec? i thought you have the looks which plays some part in car sales industry."

"wanted to let ya know that im doing the latest *sports shoe brand* photoshoot. if ya interested, let me know ASAP"

and of 'coz the inspiring messages...

"hi joe! liked your profile! hope your career will grow from strength to strength, year by year, and always trust yourself when you make major decision in your life. give as much as you would like to receive in this world, and always take care and protect the helpless"

wow! i may not know him but i'll take that blessing on my career anyday. but if he was trying to be my friend, maybe he would have liked to get my name right... it's jo not joe... i'm not a man...

and the obviously forwarded chain messages...

"sweet words are easy to say, sweet things are easy 2 buy, but sweet people are difficult to find. life ends when u stop dreaming, hope ends when u stop believing, love ends when u stop caring, friendship ends when u stop sharing. so share this with whom ever u consider a friend. to love without condition... to talk without intention... to give without reason ... and to care without expectation... the heart of a true friend..."

hands up to those who actually read that. i didn't. i lost him halfway.

"LOVE starts with a SMILE , grows with a KISS , and ends with a TEAR. DON'T cry over anyone who won't cry over you. good FRIENDS are hard to find, harder to leave, and impossible to forget. you can only go as far as you push. ACTIONS speak louder than words..."

yadda yadda yadda... he wrote so much that i think he must have compiled every chain letter he had into one message.

a variation on that would be the compilation of pickup lines...

"you know what i think? i think it should be illegal for someone to be as beautiful as you. i'm that guy your mom warned you about. but hey, we both know that you never listened to her... anyway... you probably couldn't handle me, but i thought i'd give you a chance anyway"

i thought that maybe i don't wanna take that chance.

of 'coz there had to be the propositioning ones...

"i'm a funloving guy looking to enjoy life to the fullest with no regrets or strings attached. BUT i'm attached and only looking for discreet pleasures"

i'm guessing his girlfriend doesn't have a myspace account

"im interested in initiaing an intimate love or dating with u. the type that will usher us into marriage"

whoa! dude are you mad! i don't even know you...

i think the best one is this one...

"application for friendship: hi! i am glad to come across you. are u willing to stop and take a look at my profile and decide if i am the type of friend you want?? please drop me a line after you have fully read through my profile and think i can be a worthy friend to u."

that got him this response from me...

"hi! your application for friendship has been reviewed. i'm pleased to inform you that upon succeeding to crack me up and the addition of cute animals pics, your application has been approved. however it must be proven that you are indeed not a hamster. have a nice day!"

after a while we stopped messaging. not that i care.

then take a look at these guys... some don't put up pics of 'emselves which i feel isn't very fair especially if they get to see mine. those who do put up their pics look like some pervert or narcissist. i do not need to pics of their huge biceps. and then there are others who state their age as 91, 99, 101. why on earth would someone even think of doing that? that's not even funny.

but what most of these guys have in common are their friends. they don't have any male friends at all. and all their female friends look like porn stars. short of 'em working in the adult entertainment industry, how likely is it that they only know female porn stars lookalikes? and even more disturbing of all... which part of me looks like a porn star?? in case that wasn't enough of a rhetorical question, let me clarify that the answer is none at all.

i guess that places like myspace are just a breeding ground for weirdos...

****

a really long one. i'm amazed at myself... that took a fair bit of compiling to come up with this. obviously now most everyone just uses facebook instead myspace. srangely enough, i haven't come across as many weirdos in facebook...