"the one"

Even when it came to first deciding on the sub-header of this blog (currently called the 'search' for 'the one'), I had always known that I didn't really believe in "the one". I had just used it, with quotation marks and all, because it was a convenient way of explaining my purpose of dating. I've mentioned before about how I don't believe in "the one" but in "the few" and how the alpha boy is one of the "few" for me.

So here's what I now think...

The alpha boy is still one of the "few" for me. Like I said, I truly believe that there are a few people in the world who, based on personality and character traits, would be suitable for one person. I've certainly met a (small) number of people who I believe would have been quite suitable for me. Some of them were already attached, some were geographically apart, others didn't fancy me back or maybe the timing just wasn't right and I also think that there must have been others who I just never even got the chance to cross paths with.

But what makes one of "the few" to be "the one"?

I think "the one" is really "the one who I eventually choose". Because we all have a choice. Sometimes our choices are right and sometimes they are wrong. But we have a choice and we usually make it even if the choice isn't to make one. But for those who do choose, you choose that person to be the one you will be with. You choose that person to be the one who you will accept. You choose that person to be the one who you will love.

But does that mean "the one" is perfect?

Of course not. Afterall no one is perfect. And frankly we are always going to be able to be completely annoyed by or find fault with someone else. But you make the choice and so you work at it... unless (or until) you eventually decide that you don't want to work at it or can't anymore. But that's something else entirely.

The alpha boy and I aren't perfect. We aren't even perfect together. But we do have certain life views that align. And despite having had some tough times where we almost thought we wouldn't make it, ultimately we realized that we do care enough to choose to work through our differences. Those differences aren't all resolved, they may never truly be. But we also chose to take the risk to give it a shot anyway. We are still 2 very different people. But also 2 different people who made the same choice, us.

Fly on the wall

Eating my lunch alone, I find myself hearing the conversation between a group of 4 ladies seated at the next table...

Single ladies I assume as they seemed to be chatting about one of them going to sign up with a matchmaking agency and the others asking her to let them know if it was worth it.

Apparently someone in the group must have indicated a preference for bald men because there was an extensive conversation on that. One of them declared that she thought bald men weren't virile while another suggested that she find a guy she likes and then ask him to shave his head.

I did everything I could to keep from giggling to myself...

Looking away...

I hadn't seen him or thought about him in nearly a year and even then the last time was just to return him his books. Despite pleasantries on how we should catch up again, there were no real illusions or expectations that we would. After all these years it was fairly clear to me that we wouldn't actually be friends, we would just be people who once casually dated briefly.

It was weird to run into him. Funny how the thought never really occurred to me though given that the world is small and my city smaller, it wouldn't have been that far fetched.

I was in the train with the alpha boy and in walks him and another girl, right in the same carriage. I applaud myself for my fast reflexes. I don't know if I got a good look at him and I certainly didn't get a good look at her but I knew instantly that it was the swedish guy and that she was his girlfriend. And I looked away.

For the next few stops I continued to look away. I don't know if he saw me too or if he didn't but one thing for sure was that neither of us was going to acknowledge the other.

As fate would have it, we stopped at the same stop. He got out pretty quickly and I saw him walking ahead hand in hand with his tall, ordinary, Asian-looking girlfriend with the wavy bob hair and they soon disappeared from sight.

I don't recognize her, nothing in his Facebook pictures had ever alluded to him and her. And while it seems silly because it's been years and I have long come to terms with the fact that ultimately he was never really that into me (despite the fun that we've had), a part of me still wonders why. But I guess life goes on and so we move on.

Random New Year's Eve conversations

It was a nice evening of dinner and a bottle of red wine as we waited for fireworks and to welcome in the new year at a cosy restaurant. One of the things that the alpha boy and I do well is to joke around. Or more specifically, it's usually me taking the mickey out of him. Sitting around for 4 hours gave us plenty of time to do that.

the alpha boy: 2015 hasn't been a good year but I'm glad that I have you. You are a consolation prize.
Jo: I'm a t-shirt?!!

the alpha boy: There's something I've always wondered... If you were on a cable car and falling off...
Jo: ...who would you save first... your mother or your girlfriend???

the alpha boy: The last few years of my life has been a blessing. You've been a big part of that.
Jo: Are you trying to say that I'm fat??

A sense of humor above all. Every year.

On the same separate path...

Maybe we live oddly parallel lives...

Over 6.5 years ago, just when I was starting my first proper relationship with the alpha boy, he had also started dating his first girlfriend. At that time we were still in some kind of very very brief contact via IM and he had volunteered his girlfriend's name.

As years passed, we stopped contacting altogether though remained Facebook friends. Not that I stalked and not that he posted much, but I got the sense that at some point things ended with that first girlfriend. I never knew if he was seeing someone else new... until now.

Recently I saw a post that he was tagged in that confirmed it all. It was for a marriage preparation course.

She's almost as tall and as largely built as him (which would be pretty tall and large for a girl), fairly plain but looks like a nice girl. I'm sure she must be a really nice girl. And more than that, she's a very lucky girl. Because someone is a truly great guy.

We may not have been in contact for a long time and even when we were, we may not have been close at all. And the boat may have sailed even before it ever docked. But I think there will always be a special place in my heart for him. A different kind of special place. Where it comes from a first "love", an unrequited "love". Where it comes from the way he's always inspired me to be a better person without ever realising that he has. Where it comes from his big natural heart-warming smile, zest for life in all its fun and seriousness.

But while I used to see how we could actually be good together, I've since realised that I wouldn't be good for him. I was too messed up for his togetherness. And we just figured life out on our own. Separately.

And 6.5 years later, we are both taking the next big step in our lives. Marriage. To different people.

Not a bridezilla

People like to ask me if I'm excited about the pending nuptials.

Honestly (and this might sound terrible), I don't really feel anything yet.

Sure it's a huge step to take and I don't deny it. But we've always been together for ages such that it's not altogether a surprising step to take either.

The thing is... I've never been a gushy schoolgirl type. In fact all my friends tell me that I'm such a man in a relationship and they probably aren't wrong. I've always known that eventually I would get married, but I was also never in a rush. I'm not opposed to having children, but I don't have a biological clock.

I'm a series of contradictions.

I plan events. And now that we're in the planning phase, it's really just been that... another event to plan. And sometimes I see why some people choose to just "elope" or not have any kind of proper celebration at all. Not that it's exhausting (I'm not nearly at that level yet) but because there is so many other nitty gritty things to do in addition to your regular life which keeps me busy enough as it is.

In general I know what I want and like in my own wedding but I haven't exactly been scrapbooking wedding ideas for 20 years, or any number of years for that matter. I much prefer to keep things as simple as possible.

And if you think I'm chilled out, the alpha boy is even more so. So far I have been nearly single-handedly doing all the preparation work. And with my spreadsheets of guests, checklists, schedules etc, I like to think that I still have it under control.

Sharing is caring

We don't meet for ages and then suddenly we've met twice in 4 weeks. That would be my extended, not-so-close girl friends.

It was for a pre-Christmas celebration and we all brought our gifts in tow for the gift exchange game. We each picked a number. Person who was number 1 got to pick a gift first and open it to show the rest, number 2 then picked another gift and opened it and she could then decide if she wanted to keep her gift or steal number 1's. And so it went on till number 5 because there were 5 of us. You want to be the last one, that gave you an option to steal anyone's gift and the other person had no choice but to swap.

Ms Cool Cat was number 1, with Sweet & Simple Girl as number 5. And when we were done with the gift exchange, we proceeded into girl talk about boys. Ms Cool Cat shared that she was still in touch with this Canadian guy she had met a month ago and Sweet & Simple Girl talked about an Australian colleague who asked her out for lunch in her new job (he's new too). Sweet & Simple Girl didn't want to date in her office (something about not shitting where you eat) and she suggested a swap with Ms Cool Cat. In her words, "I am number 5, you have to swap".

Yes, apparently girl friends are friendly like that haha!