what's going on?
maybe i "figured" it out...why it seems so hard to even get into a relationship in the first place.
well first of all, let's look at this statistically. there are 5 possibilities when boy meets girl.
1) boy likes girl, but girl doesn't like boy
2) girl likes boy, but boy doesn't like girl
3) boy and girl don't like each other
4) boy and girl like each other, but it doesn't work out
5) boy and girl like each other, and it works out
as you can see the chance of it working out is only 1 in 5. 20% odds ain't all that great.
next of all, i think that different people take different times to "warm up". and the person who "warmed up" first isn't always likely to wait for the other to "warm up".
take my situation with drummer boy for example...
it started with him actively trying to meet up with me for the first 3 weeks. that said it didn't mean that i didn't suggest some of the meeting ups. but just that he was the one who suggested most of 'em and made more effort. in those first 3 weeks, we got more physical, he pretty much confessed his liking for me and possibly more or less implied that he wanted a relationship.
and now we come to the last 2 weeks. things couldn't have been more different. any meeting up has been pretty much suggested by me. we're no longer "coupley". we have confessed that we still like each other but it's no longer more or less implied that he's even interested in a relationship anymore.
which kinda leaves me with this "what's going on?" kinda feeling. 'coz i don't know what's going on whatsoever. he started out interested and just as i was "warming up", he kinda pulled everything back. this just leaves me confused and scared that i'm already too emotionally attached.
we met up last night for a movie. a meeting up suggested by me of 'coz. though i knew that he wanted to watch the movie. the movie was good but somehow in the other moments where we're together, there was the definite disconnect and i don't feel like i can talk to him anymore (not that i ever really felt i could in the first place but it just got worst). the pulling away is increasingly more evident. up to a point where i don't even know if our meeting ups can even be considered a date. i mean we split the bill and we don't even have much physical contact anyway.
i've tried to "talk" bout this even though it's really hard for me to talk bout my emotions in general. but i'm not getting any response from him. so i'm leaving the ball in his court. or maybe his non response is already my answer.
i think maybe it's time for me to start pulling away as well. to try and untangle myself from this emotional attachment. i'm hoping that me starting a new crazy busy job this week will help me to fill in the void. i'm hoping that it will not let me have any time to think too much bout all this.
Labels: drummer boy
posted by jo @ 1:15 AM
8 comments
8 Comments:
I don't know what to say except that I get it. I typically fall into category #1 lately. I think the warming up phase is complicated b/c it is about timing. If people aren't compatible in the warming phase - you ultimately wind up in #1 or 2.
Did you follow that? Now I'm all confused.
Can you talk to Drummer Boy to see where his head is? See if there is interest to get to #5?
lost: haha! i did follow that :P i think if people aren't compatible in the warming up phase, you could wind up in situation #4 as well.
i tried talking to drummer boy though really my version of "talking" is in fact via IM haha! apparently we still like each other but he too isn't sure if we should define it. which basically brings us back to square one. but unfortunately there's a greater disconnect now and situation #5 seems further away than ever before...
I think that the physical is introduced too soon in relationships. Lately, the last few guys I've met have made me doubt some things. I'm really considering being celibate.
I typically fall into the #2 category, in fact, it's always the #2, except it's more like this:
boy doesn't like girl but boy thinks he can get some then proceeds to pretend like he likes girl until girl puts up wall cuz girl isn't that kind of girl then girl never hears from boy again....yeah, that's exactly it. can that be category #6?
I wish I could be there, and be the intermediary that makes you two talk!
:)
confessionofsbw: girl, i'm with you. though sometimes if he doesn't at least try and hold your hand or kiss you, you wonder if he's even interested in you at all...
anomylous: haha! well i think that could be like a subset of situation #2? maybe like situation #2a?
scotty: i wish you could be here too... maybe slap some sense into drummer boy haha!
I feel like I'm at #4 right now. We both like each other, but he's busy working on his PhD research and I'm about to move out to the city for (hopefully) a new job.
#4 is the most depressing I think. You've both met someone you like, but the timing just isn't right. Fuck.
P.S. LOVE your blog. I'm adding you to my blogroll. Hope you don't mind.
jade: you're right. i've always thought that situation #4 is the most depressing. i feel like i'm currently in that situation as well.
and thanks for adding me to your blogroll, i've already added you :)
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