i told you so

i rarely feel this but i mentioned that recently i've been feeling like drummer boy and i need to be having some kind of talk soon.

at the advice of my best friend who suggested that i should tell him that he's allowed to ask me any question and i will try and answer it, i decided to bring it up in my IM conversation with him...

jo: i just wanted to let you know that i know that i'm generally quite bad at the whole erm... talking thing haha!
jo: but i've been trying to work on that...
jo: so therefore i've decided that if you want you can ask me whatever questions and i'll try to answer 'em if that makes any sense at all haha!

but problem is, i'm not sure if he caught that. 'coz somehow at the same time we wound up getting preoccupied with a question of his (that he asked before i mentioned anything) asking if i was angry with him.

that said, i'm pleased that i did manage to say a bit of what i felt bout our disconnection...

jo: i was getting a funny feeling from you... like something was wrong
jo: maybe i just felt like it didn't seem as easy as before to talk to you or something
jo: and i like it best when i find that i get to see the you beneath the surface or whatever
drummer boy: ah er... ok
drummer boy: so deep

so his replies weren't all that satisfactory... probably 'coz he was watching online tv. but in a way i'm glad that i kinda said something. maybe it was my imagination but it seemed like our IM conversation did get better after that. but then come sunday he was supposed to let me know how his first martial arts class went but practically a whole day had passed and i hadn't heard from him until i texted him. oh well...

but in our IM conversation last night, he asked me a question that i was expecting that he wanted to ask. so apparently he did hear me afterall when i said that he could ask me whatever question.

i answered his question as honestly as i could though admittedly we were both talking in riddles a lil but i doubt that one didn't fully understand what the other was saying. i think my answer to his question is a "problem" for the both of us. more so for him. i'm not sure if i'm overthinking it or whatever but i still feel that he's distancing himself from me as compared to how he was 2 weeks ago.

and the biggest problem is that somehow i like him enough that all this is bothering me...

****

yesterday i found out from a status change in the online social utility site that the ad-man is now unattached.

i had to laugh at that.

seriously i thought it was ridiculous. even though i had my suspicions that they wouldn't last long. in fact my intuition even told me that they would break up soon after he got back from his month long trip back to canada. and i was right.

i have no idea what happened there. afterall we haven't contacted at all since he turned all unfriendly towards me. but i'm suspecting that perhaps the girl broke up with him after realising that he has waaay too many female friends that he's too close to.

even though i believe that i'm more or less purged outta any feelings i used to have for him, i must admit that for a moment there i thought bout what happened if he started to get back in contact with me... and what happens if say he decided that he was interested in me?

yes, i realise that it's quite silly to think this way... but oh well...

if he wanted to get back in contact with me, i'd certainly keep in contact with him. afterall it's undeniable that he remains one of the very few people that i can just talk to. the tricky part is if he were interested... at this point i'd say that i'm not interested. but i don't know... i mean the ad-man is "right on paper" and in many ways i do think we're suited to each other. but of 'coz there's that whole matter of he suddenly totally ignoring me that showed a lack in character. i think that whoever becomes his girlfriend has to contend with the fact that he has a lot of female friends who he's probably "led on" by virtue of his good looks and eloquence.

but right now i'm not really thinking bout him anyway...