Friday, August 29, 2008

in limbo

last night i met up with drummer boy. and i'm positive that i'm not imagining it but we are definitely in a dire case of disconnect.

i hardly ever do this... mainly 'coz i don't like dtrs (define the relationship) but it was getting to a point where honestly i think my head was seriously messed up from all the wondering.

so i decided to bring it up in my IM conversation with him.

i could tell that he wasn't exactly fully ready to talk bout it yet. i told him that i liked him and he said that he liked me too except that he just didn't know what was going on anymore. after some leading questions, i gathered that he probably pulled away 'coz it was getting quite confusing and he didn't know where anything was heading so he backed off.

however when i asked if maybe we should try and define it he replied...

drummer boy: hmm thats a tricky question that i don't think i can answer now

well fair enough i suppose. i didn't answer it when we first started kinda going out so i guess i understand.

my take on all this is that i think we both do like each other a fair bit... but we're also unsure bout each other in some ways and if it'll even work out. hence we're in this somewhat confusing, non defined, kinda limbo.

i'm not sure what i'm gonna do. do i still try and be somewhat "proactive"? do i back off? do i try and find someone new to delude myself into thinking that i don't feel as much as i do for him?

the scariest thing of all is that i'm the closest i've ever been in my life to actually agreeing to define it. and i mean i'm the one who normally doesn't do proper relationships... and why am i so scared that i'm already too emotionally involved and that ultimately i'm gonna be hurt by him?



At 1:55 AM, Blogger SaneAndSingle said...

Pick up the phone and TALK to him! Better yet, talk to him in person. Don't IM or text important conversations, especially DTR's! You may get a better response.

BTW...can I say "I told you so"? LOL ;)

Can you tell I'm really rooting for drummer boy?

At 2:29 AM, Blogger jo said...

saneandsingle: it takes a LOT of effort for me to even bring up such a topic... even if it's via IM. i wussed out on a face to face talk and frankly we don't really chat on the phone. i was thinking of "lying low" for a lil while? i mean still maintain contact but not push him too much or whatever.

yeah i know... "i told you so"... you and everyone else i suppose haha! but at that time i wasn't sure bout him... heck even now i'm still not sure bout him. but the boy somehow wormed his way into my heart...

At 3:02 AM, Blogger SaneAndSingle said...

Some boys have a knack for worming into our hearts, darn them! Are you sure lying low is a good idea? Didn't he say he was acting weird because you were? Or did I misread that?

If you lie low, it could be construed as lack of interest. Why do these things always turn so complicated??? *sigh*

At 6:31 AM, Anonymous lailani said...

just start calling him your boyfriend. see what happens and let us know.
i'd rather YOU do these very brave things than do them myself.

At 2:45 PM, Blogger jo said...

saneandsingle: he was acting weird 'coz he didn't know where anything was heading. and i think my lying low is for the same reason. we just don't wanna get too emotionally involved if we don't know what the other is feeling. that said the next day he did text me first...

lailani: haha! so you're telling me to do all the things you won't do? :P er... i wouldn't start calling him my boyfriend 'coz i don't want it to come to a situation (which i myself can totally see myself doing) where he goes "er... when did i become your boyfriend??" haha!

At 6:11 AM, Blogger Scotty said...

Talk to him!

You can't go into something being afraid of being hurt.


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