that chemistry between me and you

there's something to be said bout physical chemistry. i know the "politically correct" answer would be that personality is more important and whatnot... and don't get me wrong, of 'coz i think personality is important... all i'm saying is that physical attraction is just as important. it doesn't matter if no one thinks he's attractive, you have to think he's attractive.

at the height of the whole thing between dj guy and me, i knew that we had that raw animalistic chemistry. massive chemistry. obviously he wasn't the only one i was ever attracted to in my life but he was the only one i ever felt such chemistry with. and honestly i wasn't sure if i would ever find that again.

until now.

well okay so the physical chemistry with drummer boy isn't as strong as mine was with dj guy. with dj guy there was literally electricity in the air. but the chemistry with drummer boy definitely comes close.

but physical chemistry isn't enough...

like how he said bout finding me intellectually stimulating, i too need to be intellectually stimulated. i think there's more to him beneath the surface than he lets on. but it's hard to get to that part. i realise that when i do get to that part, i like him even more. but if not, sometimes i get "bored". he doesn't show that side of him a lot and i don't even know how to get him to do that more. besides it's not like i'm a great effective communicator when it comes to anything to do with "relationships".

recently i've been feeling like the physical chemistry is overwhelming the intellectually stimulating part of our supposed psuedo relationship. and while i love making out with him, in the back of my mind it kinda makes me wonder if that's all he's into bout me. i mean it doesn't match with what he said before... but sometimes things change right? and i've just been feeling increasingly disconnected with him.

take yesterday night for example. i actually bailed out on my plans with my party girl and the yummy mommy to attend an absinthe house party in order to meet up with him later at night. i mean i gave up free alcohol to spend time with him. i can't remember the last time i ever did that for a guy. i'm trying, i think i'm really trying with him. even though at times i think i should be maybe starting to multi-date again. but for some strange reason, i just can't actually bring myself to do that as yet. so that's how i know that for some reason or another, this drummer boy actually means a lot to me. but is that reason purely physical?

even then, last night we were quite disconnected and he didn't even make a move to hold my hand or anything like he normally does. in fact i was the one who nearing the end of the night decided to reach for his hand instead. that in the end led to a makeout session which was nice and all but i still felt like something was missing.

i have this feeling that i really need to be having some kind of talk with him soon, much as i dislike having any such talks and have no idea how to even bring that up. maybe we are both bottling up questions for the other and assumptions bout the other that it's just festering. maybe a talk will set us clear. whether we wind up together or not...