Tuesday, October 28, 2008

the email i might send?

i seriously never considered actually sending that email to drummer boy. it was supposed to be one of those emails where i write as if i'm sending it to the person even though in actual fact i know that i won't send it, in order to just get some of the thoughts outta my head.

but then saneandsingle suggested that i should send it. and then i started to actually consider it. if nothing, i suppose for the "sport" of it? it certainly makes interesting blog fodder. i mean if i'm lucky i might even get some closure outta it.

i sent the email to my best friend and she actually edited it a lil to make it seem like i was not blaming him so much but yet telling him what i thought bout him and the situation. it's sorta like a friendlier and less angsty version of my original. kinda loses a lil bit of the flavor i suppose. but not too bad. though if i actually wanna send it, i will have to edit her edited version 'coz some parts were rather funny as in i think we are both finding some entertainment outta all this.

but i don't know... sending it to him seems like giving him the upperhand 'coz i'm letting him know that i'm STILL bothered by our situation. i kinda thought that my second email was already me kinda putting all my cards out on the table. and his non response is pretty much like him just walking away from the table without a word. maybe not answering already answers all my questions. even if i don't like to not hear an actual answer...



At 12:16 PM, Blogger Scotty said...

Eh, you don't need to send it.

You know what you think/know. He hasn't earned the right to know.

At 10:50 PM, Blogger Please Don't Eat With Your Mouth Open said...

I'm with scotty. Let it go. Plus I just wrote a post with an extract in it that suits your situation. It might help you make your mind up about what to do.

At 7:31 AM, Blogger SaneAndSingle said...

Maybe you're right. I just don't "keep score" when it comes to relationships. So if you are feeling something, I just feel that you should share...it isn't about who deserves what.

If you aren't comfortable sending the email, don't though.

It's funny how we think about doing things just for blog fodder, isn't it?? I know I do it all the time!

At 7:51 AM, Anonymous Ecrivain said...

If it gives you closure, then send it. I don't think you've gained closure yet because it still bothers you...and even if he doesn't answer you, then you've put everything out there.

That being said...Personally? I don't think you should send it...just because I think that's something you'll look back on and cringe over and wish you hadn't sent.

You'll look back one day and he'll just be this minor blip in your romantic history...and you'll regret having wasted so much time feeling bad about this whole situation, because ultimately, this guy doesn't deserve to be a huge chapter in your life.

At 1:29 PM, Blogger jo said...

please don't eat with your mouth open: i loved that article. it really helped me to remember bout how i've always dealt with sadness in my life. where i would just dive deep down into the pits of despair until i was bored enough and naturally bounced back up.

saneandsingle: i think i tend to keep "score" in "relationships". but i could also do with learning not to bottle up my feelings as much as i do. which i guess in some way drummer boy helped me not to keep it all in that much.

ecrivain: i totally agree with you. and i guess i see both sides of the to tell or not to tell him coin and that's why i'm debating so much.
to be honest, in some ways i think drummer boy will be a relatively big chapter in my life. but does he deserve it? given how things went... i guess not.


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