Thursday, December 11, 2008

falling out of this and ready to fall back in...

you know how sometimes “falling for” someone kinda just creeps up on you? yeah well sometimes i think that getting over someone can also kinda just creep up on you too.

i’m not sure when it started or why. maybe ‘coz i started getting busier at work. maybe ‘coz i started liking cutie aussie colleague. maybe ‘coz i started repeating to myself one of my fave avenue q songs. but somehow one day i kinda just realised that hey, maybe along the way i sorta got over drummer boy without actually realising it.

the memories don’t come as easily as before. and even when i try to remember, they don’t hurt as much anymore. i don’t think of him or miss him as much and even when we do IM, there isn’t a whole torrent of warm feelings rushing back.

but there are still some latent feelings. i reckon that for some guys, in some ways, they will always have a special place deep inside my heart. while i’m starting to forget him, i don’t deny that a part of me will probably still accept him again.

it’s kinda like the lyrics of anytime by eve6…

your face fades away
flicker flicker dimmer fade to black

anytime you think you’d change your mind
anytime you want
jump back to me anytime

but i just think that i’ve come to decide that i don’t think that drummer boy will find anyone else better than me. i’m sure he will find someone else and he might even be very happy with her. but i just don’t think he will find anyone else better than me.

don’t get me wrong, i’m not perfect nor do i ever profess to be. but frankly i do think that i’m a pretty darn good catch. and in the larger scheme of things, i don’t think that drummer boy is intelligent enough, eloquent enough or motivated enough for me. hence the reason why i think that i’m probably the best girl he can ever find.

and maybe he knew that... and knew that ultimately he couldn’t match up… though that doesn’t stop me from still having feelings for him though…

but i think that i’ve reached the point where i’m ready to start falling back into it again. “it” being the whole trying to date thing. i’ve wallowed, i’ve focused on myself and girl friends, i’ve kept myself busy at work… but i think it’s now time to get back on the horse again.

and to mark that, i decided to log back into the online dating site…

i scanned through the profiles (btw i have to add that the ad-man is still on that site!) and in a non too discerning (and yet still somewhat discerning) manner, i winked at a number of guys who i thought seemed relatively interesting.

soon enough i had a couple of requests from guys i didn’t wink at to add me on IM. one guy i talked to seemed nice enough though i’m not feeling his picture. another guy i talked to seemed like we might be able to hit it off. another was just strange.

he never offered his name and i didn’t ask either. i learnt that he was looking for “chats of a naughty nature” and i informed him that i wasn’t that type. but he never tried to veer our pretty crappy conversation in that direction so i didn’t think too much bout it. in our second conversation i learnt that he was attached and was looking for the last fling before he tied the knot next year. and i still don’t know his name.

stellar guys i tell you.

between him and the “booty caller” who every now and then asks if i wanna meet up for that “passionate kiss” but otherwise doesn’t seem particularly concerned bout anything else in my life (and apparently still dating the other girl or at least enough to still be fighting with each other), i’m not sure how this whole online dating thing is working out for me.

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At 12:58 PM, Blogger Errant Gosling said...

It will work, there's just more crap to sift through. Picture ordinary dating with fear of rejection removed. What you wind up with are all the extra failures that would ordinary never have tried, if they had to do so to your face. Fortunately, you (likely) also wind up with real people that have just given up on the bar scene, or otherwise lack the time for non-cyber meet n' greets. Good luck!

At 3:47 AM, Blogger Crashdummie said...

seriously, why does it all have to be so darncomplicated. I often have friends asking me why I'm single, and i just hate that question. I mean its not like I'm aiming to be single, but I just dont wanna get hooked up with any random guy, i have some standards. and till i find him, I'm gonna enjoy my life as a single.

but the problem is, where on earth is mr potential? will u find him? Will u fall in love, or are u more likely to fall in love with love itself?

At 9:17 AM, Blogger jo said...

errant gosling: i never thought bout it this way that the guys trying online might be tired of the bar scene as well. though it's funny 'coz i've seen at least 2 guys who i know from the bar scene who are online as well. thankfully we all pretend like we don't know this haha!

crashy: oh man i get asked ALL the time why i'm single. and they always assume it's 'coz i'm very picky. yeah well i have standards but it's also not like i have guys knocking down my door to ask me out.

and yes, that's a very good question... where on earth is mr. potential? i don't even know where to find him...


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