missed

on thursday night, i received some texts...

mr. metrosexual: whatcha doing tomorrow evening?
mr. metrosexual: was wondering if u like to have dinner and perhaps catch a movie

i had made plans to meet up with my girl friends. and told him that.

later it turns out he had some big formal industry event thing that he wanted to invite me too. hmm... didn't he say it was dinner and a movie? he didn't say anything bout a ritzy event?

and ritzy it certainly was as i found out in a later IM conversation.

mr. metrosexual: i went alone, so it was quite odd when they announced my name stepping out of the limo and i was alone. ha ha
jo: awww
jo: dang i should have gone
mr. metrosexual: it felt like the oscars. seriously.
mr. metrosexual: red carpet, photographers and all.

dang i should have gone. seriously.

mr. metrosexual: i was dressed like a penguin
mr. metrosexual: our suits and dresses were supplied

now i really know that i should have gone.

mr. metrosexual: it was very... stiff-upper-lip, formal dinner kind of setting
mr. metrosexual: three rows of long banquet tables
mr. metrosexual: we all had hotel accomodations too

and he lives right here in this place. talk bout full pampering.

mr. metrosexual: my esteemed journalistic colleagues thought you might be there actually, cause i told them we went out
jo: they know bout me??
jo: exhibit A... jo
mr. metrosexual: i told them about you, yeah
jo: what did you say bout me??
mr. metrosexual: witty, charming, smart... about the same things i said to you as well

maybe i can try to be insanely attracted to him?

****

maybe "just nice" isn't too bad afterall... i mean why else would i suddenly find myself liking the swedish guy more and more?

we met up on sunday. as usual it was nice. we had coffee, shopped around for sunglasses for him (where the store assistant mistook me for his wife or girlfriend haha!) and then impulsively decided to head to his place to watch a bollywood movie.

the dvd was scratchy so we didn't get past an hour of the movie before it became obvious that we couldn't watch it properly. and then we headed out nearby for dinner, went back to his place and chatted some more and watched some tv.

it was a nice chill out time. we spent a total of 9 hours together. and yet in the 4 hours of us being alone in his apartment, nothing happened. he did attempt to tickle me a fair bit throughout the day. but other than that, there was nothing to hint if he liked me or not.

maybe i was too nervous (as i ususally am) to attempt giving him any come hither eyes.

****

and i was massively nervous when i received an impromptu IM from drummer boy with regards to my IM name. it was part of the lyrics of a song. a song that i like. a song that also reminds me of him.

i can't even begin to say how wildly my heart was beating. i'm surprised and a lil appalled that i should react this way. apparently somehow i still miss him...

getting over him is much much harder than i ever expected...

he's the girl

after a couple of emails, an IM chat and some text messages later, i decided to meet up on friday night with the guy who i talked to who seemed like we might be able to hit it off.

i was a lil nervous and a lil excited. and i realised that this is sorta the first online "date" since drummer boy.

mr. metrosexual was rather... well, metrosexual. at times it almost felt like he was the girl and i was the guy. afterall the guy cooks, cleans and irons better than i do. and he knits. he freaking knits!

he was also very chatty. sometimes to a point of almost annoyance. but there were times when i thought that at least we did seem to get along fairly well. he's a nice guy... too nice. but i guess i'm not exactly veto-ing that. there's other things that i'm not too keen on but it's a bit complicated to explain. i guess on the whole i'm just not really feeling it. and most of all, i'm wondering if the physical chemistry would ever hit 'coz while he's not necessarily unattractive, i'm just not particularly attracted to him.

i think i'm tired of online dating yet again. maybe i'm not quite over being tired of trying as i though myself to be.

but most annoyingly difficult of all is when i find myself occasionally thinking of drummer boy... a part of me still misses him... just when i "declared" myself to be kinda over him, i realise that i'm actually not. i'm just trying to fake it till i make it.

****

apparently i didn't need to take me another 10 years before i ran into the guy one year my junior who i once knew from school again... heck it took me only a lil over a month... yep he's still a cutie...

falling out of this and ready to fall back in...

you know how sometimes “falling for” someone kinda just creeps up on you? yeah well sometimes i think that getting over someone can also kinda just creep up on you too.

i’m not sure when it started or why. maybe ‘coz i started getting busier at work. maybe ‘coz i started liking cutie aussie colleague. maybe ‘coz i started repeating to myself one of my fave avenue q songs. but somehow one day i kinda just realised that hey, maybe along the way i sorta got over drummer boy without actually realising it.

the memories don’t come as easily as before. and even when i try to remember, they don’t hurt as much anymore. i don’t think of him or miss him as much and even when we do IM, there isn’t a whole torrent of warm feelings rushing back.

but there are still some latent feelings. i reckon that for some guys, in some ways, they will always have a special place deep inside my heart. while i’m starting to forget him, i don’t deny that a part of me will probably still accept him again.

it’s kinda like the lyrics of anytime by eve6…

your face fades away
flicker flicker dimmer fade to black

anytime you think you’d change your mind
anytime you want
jump back to me anytime

but i just think that i’ve come to decide that i don’t think that drummer boy will find anyone else better than me. i’m sure he will find someone else and he might even be very happy with her. but i just don’t think he will find anyone else better than me.

don’t get me wrong, i’m not perfect nor do i ever profess to be. but frankly i do think that i’m a pretty darn good catch. and in the larger scheme of things, i don’t think that drummer boy is intelligent enough, eloquent enough or motivated enough for me. hence the reason why i think that i’m probably the best girl he can ever find.

and maybe he knew that... and knew that ultimately he couldn’t match up… though that doesn’t stop me from still having feelings for him though…

but i think that i’ve reached the point where i’m ready to start falling back into it again. “it” being the whole trying to date thing. i’ve wallowed, i’ve focused on myself and girl friends, i’ve kept myself busy at work… but i think it’s now time to get back on the horse again.

and to mark that, i decided to log back into the online dating site…

i scanned through the profiles (btw i have to add that the ad-man is still on that site!) and in a non too discerning (and yet still somewhat discerning) manner, i winked at a number of guys who i thought seemed relatively interesting.

soon enough i had a couple of requests from guys i didn’t wink at to add me on IM. one guy i talked to seemed nice enough though i’m not feeling his picture. another guy i talked to seemed like we might be able to hit it off. another was just strange.

he never offered his name and i didn’t ask either. i learnt that he was looking for “chats of a naughty nature” and i informed him that i wasn’t that type. but he never tried to veer our pretty crappy conversation in that direction so i didn’t think too much bout it. in our second conversation i learnt that he was attached and was looking for the last fling before he tied the knot next year. and i still don’t know his name.

stellar guys i tell you.

between him and the “booty caller” who every now and then asks if i wanna meet up for that “passionate kiss” but otherwise doesn’t seem particularly concerned bout anything else in my life (and apparently still dating the other girl or at least enough to still be fighting with each other), i’m not sure how this whole online dating thing is working out for me.