Sunday, August 16, 2009

it's my party and i'll cry if i want to

today i turn the last of my 20s. and i must say that to date, my 29th birthday is probably the strangest ever.

i met up with my party girl for a drink on friday. not that i actually wanted to drink or party at all. i've realised that i'm definitely over it (for now at least it seems). but i also wanted to spend some time catching up with my party girl and it seems hard to lately. i had a pretty sedate and possibly even slightly boring night. but oh well i wasn't looking for a crazy time anyway.

saturday night was spent with the alpha boy. we went out for dinner and ice cream and he gave me a modest present (which is perfectly okay 'coz i know he's been tight on finances lately) that he wrapped up in a box with some decorations. it was sweet and cute. and the card he wrote made me go all aww inside...

you're the best thing that ever happened to me... i love you :)

today was also spent with him... walking for 3 hours in multiple parks. it was fun but tiring.

not to nitpick... i mean i did have a good time... but i can't quite shake off the feeling that something still isn't right. okay i'll be honest here and say that we haven't had a proper kiss in 2 weeks. and frankly that's just weird for me. i know that he's been really busy and tired out lately with work stuff but at the same time i can't help wondering if maybe, just maybe, it also has something to do with that talk we had last week. you know the talk where he wasn't sure if maybe we were platonic?

and to make matters worst, when i decided that it was my birthday and i'd get a damn kiss even if i have to ask for it and actually asked for it, the kiss was far less than what was our usual proper kiss.

i've been trying really hard this entire week to get past that talk. and anyone i so happened to have randomly talked to bout this (i don't really give details on who said what so in all probability they think that i'm the one who thinks it could be platonic) doesn't think it's as big a deal. a guy friend actually provided me some pretty good perspective when he pointed out that things did indeed change for the alpha boy and me from when we were just friends as in we communicate and share more and of 'coz there's the physical aspect. and that it might not be that bad that we don't have a honeymoon period or that it's more slow burn than anything else. he reckons the better relationships are usually the ones based on friendship anyway.

that's all well and good and i was starting to almost feel a bit better... but then the whole birthday "kiss" happened and i was thrown off for a bit again. i just don't know anything anymore and i feel an overwhelming desire to tell him. afterall relationships are based on honesty right?

and 'coz i can't exactly talk bout anything, i texted... and tried to phrase it in the best way i could...

jo: so hey r things okay or is something on ur mind or uve just been really tired n busy? coz i realised tt we havent kissed properly lately n im kinda missing it...

waiting for a response is the scariest thing ever...

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6 Comments:

At 6:53 AM, OpenID talesfromabarstool said...

When a relationship is still fairly new and your kisses are already starting to fizzle, something's not right. Good on you for asking him out right, even if it was through a text rather than face to face.

 
At 5:33 PM, Blogger jo said...

talesfromabarstool: i think it would have driven me crazy if i didn't ask him somehow. i'm glad that i did. and i'm glad that his answer was that it was just fatigue. i thought it might be as well 'coz he has been feeling a lil under the weather but yet having to carry on with his busy work stuff.

 
At 1:43 AM, Anonymous ~AV~ said...

GOD! These are the kinds of situations that give me a tummy ache in the worst way. I hate the waiting...the wondering...
I agree that this soon into a relationship, your intimacy should be growing, not fading away. I'm not sure just how intimate you usually are, but there definitely seems to be something going on. I think that you definitely need to talk it out in person. Address each others concerns face to face - not through text/email where messages can be misconstrued. Good luck hun!

 
At 2:27 AM, Blogger jo said...

AV: yes i hate the waiting. but i guess that's what happens when you text instead of calling or talking face to face. but i did get my response. and i suppose for now i'm satisfied with the answer. he's the honest non lying type so i have no reason to doubt him when he said that it was just fatigue. i mean it is entirely possible. and for the most part we seem fine. i guess i'll just have to see what happens after this...

 
At 3:04 AM, Blogger Please Don't Eat With Your Mouth Open said...

Tired or not, you two should be all over each other. I know you say you're cool with not having the typical honeymoon period...but are you? really?

Something kinda doesn't sound right.

 
At 12:57 PM, Blogger jo said...

please don't eat with you mouth open: honestly i really have no idea if i'm really okay with not having the typical honeymoon period. though at the same time i think that even if i did, it still means it will come back down and i'd still have to deal with that.
i'm not sure if things are perfectly right or whatever. but i think that this relationship is just different from most other probably also 'coz we're quite different from other people in general.
and i think a part of the not being all over each other also has to do with opportunity. long story but take my word for it.
i guess i just gotta ride it out and see how it goes...

 

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