Saturday, October 31, 2009

the hows, whats and whys of it

sometimes the alpha boy and i are still quite surprised at how we even wound up together to begin with and sometimes we talk bout our interactions before we got together as almost a way to find out what the other was thinking "way back then".

recently we were having one such conversation. basically when we first got to know each other, despite it being via the online dating site, we both viewed it as a friends thing. he's not the type to mack on girls (simply 'coz usually all the girls are throwing themselves at him on a regular basis anyway) and i found out that his initial motive was to sell me something (that's part of his job). on my part, i was kinda seeing the swedish guy and i also vibed off the alpha boy's friendship vibe and concluded that he wasn't looking for anything serious anyway.

and hence a friendship blossomed.

i'm not even sure exactly when that friendship looked like it was turning into something more. it could be when he started calling me ever so often where we would spend hours on the phone together. he told me that with every new girl he meets, he very quickly knows just where they stand. and for me, he always placed me as "platinum grade" who was high on the "wifeability" material (and i do quote him on that). it was just a matter of whether he was ready for a commitment or not.

likewise could be said for me. having being single all that while, i had a natural nervous reaction to commitment not 'coz i necessarily didn't want it or thought i couldn't keep to it but simply 'coz i didn't know what it was like.

i'm glad that the alpha boy was as smart as he is to have figured that the best way to get through to me would be to pre-empt me. and that's why our conversations then were peppered with him frequently painting scenarios where i was required to think of him as a future boyfriend and him asking pointed questions such as which ladder (after a conversation where i told him bout the ladder theory) i had placed him on hence forcing me to really think bout it.

he is really good at reading people. and while i've always known that i'm not always the easiest person to read ('coz i tend to keep my own counsel), having him tell me that back then he never really could tell if i was actually interested in him made me realise that i must indeed be really quite difficult to read.

it's the self preservation defense mechanism kicking in i explained to him. i guess after dating around as much and as long (though really it's not that much or that long), you realise that you gotta play your cards close to your chest and try not to get too emotionally involved. or at least in my case, not let 'em know you're already emotionally involved.

we then discussed the things that transpired on the actual day that we got attached. how he had already previously decided that it was only a matter of when that he would officially ask me but where he himself didn't even know that it would be that day. i also called him out on the general space invader behavior on that particular day. he laughed saying that he purposely did that to get me comfy with the idea of being physically closer to him. i told him that the funny thing was that i actually felt like he was the one who needed to get comfy with the idea since with each space invader move, he'd then look a lil nervous. i figured that perhaps he's not used to it was 'coz he doesn't believe in physical contact with any girl who isn't his girlfriend.

it's fun to "dissect" it all and to realise that sometimes things do just happen. stars align or whatever and you somehow find yourself sitting on a bench taking shelter on one rainy night agreeing to couple up.

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3 Comments:

At 9:17 AM, Blogger Dater at Large said...

Aww, this gives me hope that one day I'll find myself in a relationship. I'm also watching Sleepless in Seattle, though, so I'm obviously a little impressionable. Seriously, though, I'm happy for you.

 
At 2:09 PM, Blogger jo said...

dater at large: up until the point, if and when, the alpha boy (or whoever) and i end up happily ever after till we both die, i'm always hesistant to tell people not to worry and that it'll all work out. 'coz you know that sometimes it just doesn't, no matter how happy you started out at first.

but not to come off as too cynical (haha!), i guess sometimes things do suddenly just happen without you even realising how it got there. and sometimes that's a good thing. happy hunting and all the best in finding that relationship that we all want to find.

 
At 5:05 PM, Blogger You Make My Date said...

This was a cute story, and man, the alpha boy is one smart cookie! I like the "space invader" concept, but obviously only if you're into the guy...if you weren't...well, it'd be as awkward as...most of my disaster story dates.

 

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