Monday, September 14, 2009

so question...

...would you want to know if someone else told your partner that she was interested in him?

earlier last week, the alpha boy told me bout a somewhat "love triangle" situation that the exotic dancer told him bout. the background of this story is that this guy (let's call him D) introduced his best friend (let's call him S) to the exotic dancer and more or less tried to get 'em together. the exotic dancer has zero interest in S but S is all smitten. then in a weird turn of things, D decides that he likes the exotic dancer. and somehow the exotic dancer is now deciding that maybe she would couple up with D.

now that's what i heard earlier last week. but over the weekend, i realised that the alpha boy had missed out on some other information of the even more interesting variety. not on purpose, i believe. just that he had been too busy thinking that the whole situation was ludicrous that he missed out on some other more important information.

in an even weirder turn of things, the exotic dancer then told the alpha boy that she told D that she liked the alpha boy. so basically essentially she was just telling the alpha boy that she liked him. and the alpha boy being the alpha boy, is used to all this kinda thing from multiple women that he likened it to her having just told him bout the weather. but since he's not interested, he told her that no they are just friends and asked what has that whole the exotic dancer and D thing gotta do with him. she repeats that 'coz she likes him (being the alpha boy). hence making it patently obvious that she was hoping to make the alpha boy jealous in some way and force a favorable response from him.

i of 'coz upon hearing all that transpired decided to take the chance to chide him for not telling or implying to her in the first place that he's attached. my take on this is that we all knew right from the start that she was interested in him. so all this wouldn't have happened if he'd only let her know that he wasn’t available! though he later claimed that she must have somehow guessed or known that he was attached but just refused to face reality. but i think he just wasn't clear enough.

i'm pretty sure he still didn't get what i was saying. i think in his mind's eye, he felt that it was okay not to say anything 'coz it’s not like he encouraged her in any way. i do believe that he didn't, but i still think there's a difference between not encouraging and discouraging.

so anyhow, i also pointed it out to him that he, in fact, didn't tell me that the exotic dancer actually professed to him her interest for him. and that i think in future if that happens with anyone else, i would like to know.

which then brings me back to my question. would you wanna know? the alpha boy said that he didn't care either way if he didn't know. he only wanted to know if i didn’t tell the guy who was interested in me to buzz off.

i thought bout it for a bit… and yeah well i'd still wanna know…



At 4:02 PM, Blogger You Make My Date said...

I'd definitely want to know, but I'd try to be casual about it. It's true that if your bf tells the other girl he's not interested that it makes the whole issue a bit redundant...but still.

I'd like to know, in case I had to watch my back (some girls will then start undermining you by making snide comments to your bf about you...and voila! before you know it, he's cheating with her).

And as for alphaboy not making it clear to exotic dancer that he was attached...that's pretty poor form. I've gotten the casual, "Hey I'm great, just took my gf out to lunch, how are you?" statement before from guys I was interested in, to let me know they're in a relationship already (which I appreciate).

But I suppose if he didn't think exotic dancer was into him, then his ignorance can be an excuse. I mean, in that case, it would be awkward for him to name-drop you...

At 5:29 PM, Blogger jo said...

you make my date: yeah i still stand by what i said to him which was that he should have told her or implied in some way and form that he was attached. it's really not that difficult. i've gotten that myself before and it worked out really well 'coz then i know exactly where i stand, or don't stand in that case.

obviously what's done (or not done) is already done. but you can be sure that if ever any such situation crops up again with anyone else, i will be reminding him bout this time and telling him that the best way is to just tell her you're attached.

At 3:16 AM, Blogger Please Don't Eat With Your Mouth Open said...

I'd want to know, but in the same way as you want to know why someone dumped you. It does you absolutely no good, makes you paranoid and ends with you still feeling like shit.

So yes, you want to know.

But no, it's better that you don't.

At 12:44 PM, Blogger jo said...

please don't eat with your mouth open: it's probably true that it doesn't really serve any purpose for me to know or not, but yeah i'd still wanna know. especially if she SAYS it to him. but up side i that i think he's finally getting what i mean bout how to just not get to that stage where she would say it to him by letting her know earlier that he's attached.

At 4:38 AM, Blogger Please Don't Eat With Your Mouth Open said...

My ex used to do that with his ex girlfriend. She clearly still loved him yet he wouldn't tell her to sod off. He'd just continue to be nice. It drove me crazy. We had so many arguments but at the end of the day, I think blokes just like the attention. Who wouldn't?

At 6:05 AM, Blogger SaneAndSingle said...

I wouldn't want to know, because that would give me just one more thing to be worried about! I think discussing that just leads to unnecessary jealousy and convos sometimes. Now, if the woman was getting stalker like or something, I think I would like to know.

At 9:40 AM, Blogger jo said...

please don't eat with your mouth open: hmm i think you hit the nail on the head here... you're probably right in that guys just like the attention. though true, who wouldn't? but the thing with girls is that we won't actually TELL the guy we like him unless we really do and would like to force a favorable response from him. so i tend to think of a girl expressing her interest as different from a guy doing the same.

saneandsingle: wow! you must one of the possibly more rare girls who wouldn't wanna know? i agree that sometimes discussing it just leads to a big fight, but i think i would go nuts if i didn't say anything bout it. i just try not to fly off the handle when discussing it, that's all.

At 1:08 PM, Anonymous G/W said...

I would want to know.
Maybe it might be better to be ignorant but let's be honest, it's just to make yourself feel less anxious. If you have someone interested in your man, of course you would want to know! You need to know what you're up against. Some women out there can be pretty sneaky and if you're in the dark, there's a good chance you could whip him up from right under your nose.
I don't know what to tell you about alpha boy not telling her. From my experience with male friends, a guy can take it pretty far without realizing that his partner may be upset with the way he's acting. You need to be clear with him about how he should respond to a situation like that. Technically what he's doing is leading her on and if he chooses to tell her right now that he has a girlfriend, she would assume that he is still interested since he never said so in the first place. She'd think he's still exploring his options. For a harmless flirtation, it's not information that is necessary to share but when you see someone for a prolonged period of time, then it becomes something vital that they need to inform them of.

At 2:44 PM, Blogger jo said...

G/W: i hear ya... and i totally agree! the alpha boy doesn't always quite have the same way of going bout things like others might. but i'm hoping that after this time, he knows clearly bout how i feel he should respond to a situation like this. i suppose he did apologise when he realised that i mostly certainly was not pleased with the way he handled it initially.


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