i ramble 'coz there are some things i'm not even sure how to put into words
before i finally got attached, i was single for over 28 and a half years. i've dated a bit here and there since i was 17 with my dating history being slightly more here than there only after i turned 25.
so the thing is this, i've pretty much known what it's like to be perpetually single. the single mindset? that's easy for me to get into. i know the scene, the fun and the frustrations so well. now, i love being in a relationship in the whole warm, fuzzy, there's-someone-who-i-trust-and-can-lean-on kinda way but admittedly it's been hard on my other friendships.
i have friends. but i don't have heaps of friends. i never had. and since my best friend moved away years ago, it hasn't ever really been the same. but then i got close to my (now ex) party girl and it's been that way for the last 6 years. except that now she too is moving away.
i've met some other friends along the way, including the ones who i hang out with my (now ex) party girl like the yummy mommy and the ungirly hottie as well as others outside that circle. but increasingly i'm beginning to feel less a part of them.
my inability to spend every weekend with them anymore certainly must have played a part. i make it a point to get together with them as and when i can and ask them out as well but i just don't get asked out by them as often as i used to.
it's been bothering me. no doubt bout that. these sort of things have always bothered me. though in my rational mind, i kinda know that this is just how life is. besides i've always known that i didn't really want my life to turn out like theirs. not that there's anything wrong with being single in your late 30s but i've always just wanted my happily ever after with someone special. and while we should maintain our own friendships, nurturing a current romantic relationship kinda does take precedence.
i think it's just hard 'coz i have too many friends made primarily in the party scene. they are still basically in the same place in life as when i first met them. but i feel like i'm in a different place now. and yet the place where they are in is one that i'm all too familiar with. it's weird.
Labels: insights into jo
posted by jo @ 11:34 AM
11 comments
11 Comments:
neglecting friends just cause we're in a relationship is never a good idea. but i do get where you're coming from. you're in a different place from your friends so it might seem you can't connect or have anything to really talk about.
but its good to try because you never can predict the future. of course i wish you a happy and healthy relationship! but seriously, don't loose touch with the people you can always fall back on if ever things get rough or don't work out the way you wanted it too. good luck balancing ;)
little miss angry: i agree with you which is probably why i do try as hard as i do to maintain my friendships. and i also do love my friends and want to keep in touch with them. i guess the hard part is that 'coz of everyone's work schedules, the only feasible time are weekends which are the busiest for me. and i can't exactly spend every weekend with my friends. they probably realise this and wind up unknowingly leaving me out. and that kinda sucks.
I almost feel like I'm in the same position you are, except that I feel like I'm growing apart from my friends because they're all in relationships and I have yet to find one. They're all in a different place in their life and I'm still here. Like, it hurts when I find out my two best friends from high school (one got married last year and the other is getting married later this year) get together with each other and their significant others and I wasn't invited. I can't help but wonder if I would have been invited if I were in a relationship. I get why I wouldn't be invited and I'm not mad at them for not inviting me. Just hurt I guess, you know?
Anyway, just wanted to let you know that this post struck a chord with me. I also don't think I ever thanked you for the comment you left me on my blog a month or so ago when I was feeling really down. Reading the link to the post you left me and seeing what your life is like now gives me hope that it's still possible for me to find happiness. By the way, congrats on your recent one year anniversary :)
Anyway, sorry for turning this comment into a book!
i need a fairy godmother: thanks for your comment. and i never mind if comments turn in to books :)
it sucks when friends leave you out, be it for whatever reason. maybe your friends didn't invite you 'coz they know how sensitive you are bout not being in a relationship that they didn't want to seem like they were flaunting theirs in your face. perhaps you can try to ask them out without their partners. i'm sure they would appreciate a lil girl time. thanks again, it's nice to know that someone understands how it hurts to feel like your friends are leaving you out.
(same thing happening to me. Can't; tell the person that I like him..
If your friends are truly your friends you it shouldn't hurt your relationship with them because you aren't spending all your time with them. When you get into a relationship it is natural to spend more time with your partner than your friends. Also what kind of relationship are you trying to have with this boy? If it’s serious you should be out together doing things together with your friends.
Good luck and don’t stress over it your friends shouldn’t ditch you just because you’re trying to have a relationship with a guy.
I think having a bit less time for your friends once you're with someone is absolutely normal. He is a new part in your life and you should of course take the time to be with him.
Thing is, maybe now you'll meet other people, make new friends. And maybe they'll be in the same place as you. Then, you'll do those couple things, you know? And that's fun!
I am one of those girls who, being single, keeps getting angry at my friends for not giving me all of their time as they used to before having a boyfriend but, deep down, I do understand.
Thing is, I also know they'll ALWAYS be my friends, and they'll always be there for me if I need.
If that's not happening with your friends... maybe your friendship was just based on going out partying.
If it is real friendship, it'll survive the fact that you have a boyfriend ;)
(too long a comment, sorry!)
I defiantly know how it feels to be on the other side of your situation. I've grown distant from some of my closest friends when they found that someone special. Not because I stopped calling but because they didn't know how or want to juggle friends and lovers. I still call my friends and invite them to an occasional lunch outing they never show. I feel if people are really friends no situation will tear you apart. It's important nurture a true friendship just as it is important to nurture your relationship. So, I guess to sum this up I applaud you for attempting to keep in contact with your friends even though your life is continually evolving. Even though your not much of a partier as before I'm sure there was something deeper than partying that keep you guys together.
Be well
thanks everyone for the lovely comments. and never worry that it's too long :P
This post definitely struck a chord with me too! I've recently been thinking about this especially at the stage that people start having kids. I have good friends from high school that I frankly just have hardly anything in common bc they have kids and I don't. One friend had twins and it's like her whole mentality changed overnight into being 'mom'. I got divorced last year, don't even have a boyfriend at this point, so it's hard to relate. But we still do hang out whenever we are in town together, keep in touch, etc. It is definitely not like it used to be, but I still cherish the times that we do get to hang out. Good luck in balancing!
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