Friday, December 02, 2011

we already know how this ends

it was my “turn” to pick where to go and as terrible as i usually am at deciding on where to eat, i managed to select a cosy quiet Italian place. we settled in comfortably with calamari rings, pizza, pasta, wine and beer.

i returned him his book. i went through that one really fast. not a book i particularly liked but nonetheless i found it interesting and thought provoking.

that’s what i like best bout reading. reading each new book is a fresh, engaging, thought-provoking and addictive experience that takes you on a journey… all without ever having to change your actual external environment. and i’m a kind of person who always seeks a new high. who almost needs a new high.

he passed me 2 books and then realised that he should have brought along another book that the book club were discussing in the next meeting. a meeting which I can now make due to a last minute change in my work travel plans. a meeting i was eager to make since it would be my very first book club meeting, something i’ve been wanting to attend for ages.

it was decided that would swing by his place to pick up that book. i realised that i hadn’t been to his place since 3 years ago. he has moved 3 times since, settling into this current place half a year ago.

it was a nice spacious place. i stared enthralled at his bookshelf, mentally taking note which other books i had to borrow since transporting his entire bookshelf wasn’t exactly an option.

he offered me a drink, bailey’s irish cream. tasty.

we moved to the couch where he put on some mellow music. his type of music.

he showed me a book of photos that his friend did to commemorate their group mountain climb last year. it was amazing, with fantastic, hilarious copy text. i jokingly teased bout how he looked younger back then. he responded by tickling me. like how he used to.

i asked to see his photos from his recent mountain climb. they were gorgeous, full of blue skies against the stark brown/yellow rocky road. i laughed at how his cave man look (sans shaving and showering) resembled keifer sutherland. we googled keifer sutherland. he did not agree.

we started youtubing different music and he started singing along. like how he used to.

it started getting late. wboth got up. he showed me his bedroom as proof that he could not fit in all his luggage. and then wound up standing and chatting in the wide expanse of his living room in front of his golf bag.

we talked bout golf. he’s started to get into it again. i still haven’t started. But i shared what i heard from a professional player on how your feet are positioned can subtly affect which way your ball goes.

he playfully stepped on my foot. once. twice. i finally stepped back, accidentally stepping harder than i intended to. he laughed and held my waist perhaps to steady me as stepping on his foot threw me slightly off balance.

it was just a fleeting moment. the moment soon passed. we still stood there talking. apart.

and then i decided it was time to leave. he walked me out to get a taxi home.

i know how this plays out. the song and dance. where we can do this for months and then finally giving in to kisses. but then that’s all there is. he can say that he’s ready for a steady relationship and to settle and put some roots but in reality he’s probably too busy living his fulfilled life and travelling for any of that. and it’s probably that very fulfilled life that contributes to his draw, that energy.

but all it leads to is me, 3 years later, still kinda wondering “what if” and stepping into dangerous waters.



At 10:58 PM, Anonymous belle said...

hey... are you still with your boyfriend? #confused...

At 6:22 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

YEs - that's my question too...I didn't realise you and Alpha boy broke up.

At 5:10 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Yeah, I was wondering the same thing. Are you now single?

At 5:32 AM, Blogger Me said...

Hey, I'm wondering "what if" 9 years later, so I'm hoping that you get over what you had quicker than I do.

Still hoping that you'll bump into them at the supermarket.

Still wondering if it would work out if it started.

Still knowing that I'd jump at the chance to have anything happen between us.

At 12:52 PM, Blogger eula_w said...

Yes I want to know too if you are single already or still with your boyfriend.

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