double standard

though the serial dater stud/slut and i text every now and then, in actual fact we haven't actually met up in almost a year. recently we both found ourselves on a business trip to the same place (which is also incidentally his hometown) and decided to catch up for a drink and dinner.

as we usually do, we wound up talking bout his conquests. the girl he was currently shacking up with was the girl he met via a business networking session who lived in his hometown. and since he was there for the week, she had packed her bags and moved into his hotel.

he was laughing as he told me the story of how he managed to con her to stay with him on a holiday after only one date. a combination of giving himself a pat on the back for having it and amused at how easily she was giving it.

when asked if she had any potential to be more, he quickly answered in the negative. he stated that he just wanted a plaything for his business trip and it's easier when she's living there. it also gave the perfect excuse when it came time to move on from her. he admitted that he did think less of her and wondered if she always did the same since she hooked up with him so quickly.

he insisted that he wasn't a player and when he asked if i thought he was, i gave it to him straight. granted he's good on paper (and he himself cockily knows this) but it's just that he leads them on. he argued that it was the girls' own imaginations. but i think that if he knew right off the bat that there was never ever going to be anything more and yet leads the girls on to think that he's actually truly interested, that i consider a player. i would have had more respect if he owned up to that.

it's funny how an initially attractive guy could just grow to be so unattractive to me.

the con-artist is impressive

the serial dater stud/slut is still... well, serial dating. his latest girl is one who he met via a business networking session back in his hometown which is bout an hour's flight from where we are located. she lives there.

recently she flew over here for business and they met up for dinner.

serial dater stud/slut: and the coup de grace is that i've managed to convince her to sync her *insert overseas destination* trip with mine so we're there over the same weekend! muahahaha! are you impressed? :P

i am impressed.

given that he's a fairly good looking and eloquent guy who is doing pretty well in his career, perhaps it should not come as a surprise that he's as successful as he is with the women as well. but it's amazing how many women go for his tricks. and it's almost sobering to know that if i were single, i could have been one of the casualities, one of those girls who fall for him thinking that he's more interested than he actually is simply 'coz he gives out those signals.

but sooner or later, they finally catch on. just like one of the girls he was "seeing", the one who he went on holidays with, the one who kept the dtr (define the relationship) talk on hold which probably explained why she lasted the longest. but even she eventually must have realised that a man who refuses to commit that much mustn't like you very much to begin with.

serial dater stud/slut: she had a nasty and out of the blue hissy fit a while back and it's kinda been going downhill since. NEXT!!! :)

serial dater stud/slut: anyway you'd be super impressed at what i've already managed to con *insert name of latest girl* into already.

con is the right word. that's what that man does. con the girls into thinking that he actually has feelings for them. when all the while, they are nothing more than just "playthings" along the way on his pursuit for a girlfriend material though i disagree that he's even looking for a girlfriend.

so why do i even bother with all this? well for one, his antics are amusing. for another, he reminds me what guys out there can be like and make me extra thankful for what i don't have to go through.

sheesh way to go in leading a girl on

serial dater stud/slut: we played around a bit
serial dater stud/slut: then she went off on this "what're you looking for" tangent, concluding that i'm looking for "company" and she didn't want that
serial dater stud/slut: NEXT!! :)
jo: haha! she's right though
jo: but to be fair, it's true that she was probably always not going to work out anyhow
serial dater stud/slut: but i would've been ok playing with her a bit more :) hehehehe
serial dater stud/slut: so have you found any potential playthings for me yet?? :)
jo: nope. none that would wanna be played with
jo: they aren't looking for "company"
serial dater stud/slut: awwww
serial dater stud/slut: but if they're a good match, it'll be more than "play"
jo: perhaps... but at this point i just think you're more into "play" anyway

and this could have been the very same conversation repeated to describe the many different girls he has dated in the one over year i've known him. all of whom he's not really ecstatic bout or smitten with and yet continues in this same fashion, with usually eventually the same results.

must be what happens when you meet a girl, invite her back home by the second date of which she accepts, maybe go away on holiday with her after a number of dates, all the while continuing to serial date with other girls doing the exact same things, refuse to commit in any form to her and balk when she mentions anything along those lines 'coz omg you have no idea where she gets that from and it's way too early for any of that dtr (define the relationship) talk.

yep i get it. not.

i feel like i'm watching an episode of the bachelor

sometimes with time, things get clearer. guys who at that time you thought you were totally into could ultimately spark the reaction within yourself wondering how on earth did you ever get so smitten?? with other guys, as time passed, you've completely forgotten all bout them.

so there's this guy that i knew in the beginning of the year. i've acknowledged that if i were single, i would date him. we still continue to talk, and by that i really just mean email or IM. somehow it's still undeniable that we do kinda get along but it is also increasingly becoming more apparent that if armed with the knowledge that i have now, i may not have been that keen to date him even if i were single.

he's still serial dating up a storm. and i don't judge people who invite (relatively) new dates back to their place or to go away on a trip with them. he doesn't even strike me as too sleazy though that's generally not my thing and chances are i don't trust those who do this on a regular basis.

so he's starting to have some of those girls on his rotation try to initiate a dtr (define the relationship) which he's not really having any of. i think what gets me is that i feel like he's one of those guys who (unknowingly? purposely?) leads girls on and 'coz he's as attractive and articulate as he is, those girls get smitten way easily.

maybe that's just a sore point with me but i don't think that's right. i found myself rooting for the girls who decided he wasn't worth all of this and have cut him off. girls who he said himself were "definitely maybes". who wants to be a definitely maybe, especially when you obviously liked him enough and was being led on a wild goose chase enough to actually initiate the dtr. i've pretty much told him what i think though i also do think that there's nothing wrong with serial dating, it's just that you have to take into consideration the signs you're putting across.

with all this, i realised that if i were still single, yes i would have still wanted to date him. but it probably would have come to the same ending as everyone else that i dated before. and for this, i'm glad to be with the alpha boy. there was very little drama involved in that when we got together.

be still that lil extra beat in my heart...

yes i'm attached, but no i'm not dead.

bout 6 months ago i got to know this guy. he's attractive, articulate and a lot of fun to converse with. strangely there were also parts of his personality that reminded me of the alpha boy. he knew that i was in a relationship and yet has always made his interest very clear though he's also serial dating up a storm. if i were single, i'd definitely consider going for him. except that perhaps 'coz i'm not, i don't find him as attractive as i think i would normally find him.

recently we've been emailing back and forth throughout the day a fair bit. it's usually funny and witty emails bout dating and life. he sent me his list of dates that he's been on in the past 6 months and emails to update on it.

in these emails and some IMs, we also talk bout other things. in the course, i found out that he's a drummer. i know i know, another drummer boy haha! and well, it's no surprise that i like musicians. plus having a soft spot for drums (i've always wanted to learn and in fact did learn a bit last year when i realised that i think i have some natural talent) meant that i "swooned" over this revelation.

in some weird way i think he validates me. having someone who i would have been interested in be interested in me is definitely an ego boost.