Life goes on...

Yes I know that I have practically abandoned this little blog. But much like an old friend who you may not have much contact with because of differing life paths yet there's always a special place in your heart for that friend, this little safe haven is always close to my heart. And recently I found myself suddenly remembering it again.

This year I have seen a sudden surge in attachments / engagements / weddings / pregnancies among some of my friends in their mid-late 30s / early 40s. There are still some who remain single but those are diminishing. It's good to know that there's still "hope" for the not-quite-so-young-anymore female. It's true what they say about 30s being the new 20s.

There's still the occasional conversation about guys when various girl friends get together but that has mostly given way to talking about wedding plans and pregnancy processes, house hunting and mortgages, nice dinners out and chill out drinks at home.

Almost all the boys who made it to the right sidebar, who once upon a time were a point of interest for me to talk about, are now forgotten. Even as I browse through some of the (nick)names and stories, there are many who I can't even remember their real names anymore. Not surprising since I am no longer in contact with them. Out of everyone, only "wayne rooney" and the best friend remain in my life. I no longer think that either of them has any real potential, haven't for a while now. I will always have a soft spot in my heart for "wayne rooney", it's hard not to when we have as much natural rapport and chemistry as we do. But I also know that even though he's a truly great guy, he will also always be too oblivious to be sensitive to another person's needs. The best friend on the contrary comes out top in being thoughtful and delights in giving little surprises. But he is totally immature and (possibly therefore) financially unstable. Anyhow he has now found himself a new girlfriend and I think this will work out perfectly because she's a nice simple girl, a waitress from a foreign Asian country.

Life has changed, to say the least. And it will only continue to change as I grow up and embark in a different phase of life.

In the last 2 years since I "disappeared", the alpha boy and I have been actively trying to work things out. I was probably more honest than ever before about things that I wasn't happy about and also learnt to be more communicative which as a more private / repressive person, wasn't something I naturally possessed. But it's been good and I'm happy that we are in a much better place than ever before.

And now I'm joining the ranks of people who have decided to settle down. Wow, that just sounds so adult! But the dating (psuedo or otherwise) is over folks... I'm engaged.

When it rains, it pours

So I did say that I didn't have any exciting escapades didn't I? Well, talk about famous last words.

In the months I gradually found myself in a bit of a... situation. The kind that I suppose leads me back to this blog as the only place where I document it freely and most of all, anonymously.

I mentioned that I've since met a few new guys... One of whom moved away. Well, he's still away but we still keep in occasional contact. Mostly it's really normal stuff but every now and then he pulls out something... stating it quite clearly that he found me very attractive and would have totally have tried to chase me...

"I should have moved faster eh. I wonder why I did (move away) sometimes. I remember you coming to the group. You sat beside some other guy... And I felt jealous. I just remember you swanning in in your black dress."

And then there's been someone else... someone who started out completely platonic but in our interactions and conversations through the months, we've just about found a best friend in each other... and also a possible interest.

"You are special. I wish I'd met you a long time ago and go on life's journey in a spaceship we built together. But I think if we get on that spaceship at our age now with all of our life experiences and knowledge, it would be truly unbelievable!"

Don't get me wrong... nothing physically has happened between me and anyone. But I guess I have found emotional support in other people other than the alpha boy especially since our relationship seemed to have taken another turn for the worse. It's not that he still isn't sweet to me or treat me well... but it's just that I can't help but think it more and more apparent that despite it all, we just aren't really all that compatible.

But sometimes it's hard to cut it off when he does a random sweet thing like pop by my office building before I head off for another one of my long trips...

"Are you in the office later? I want to pass you something. Have a safe trip and a fun time, do take care and think of me everyday. I miss you already."

And yes, I know I have to sort this out at some point...