i'm screwed... and not in a good way

since last year i do believe that i never really had a month go by where i didn't makeout with some guy. whether it was weekly makeout sessions with dj guy or the odd makeout with a random dude. but basically i never really did let a month go by without some making out of some kind. and honestly i liked it.

so it feels weird that i haven't had a makeout session in over 2 months. okay just for the record, i don't happen to count making out with girls as a real makeout. probably 'coz i identify as a straight woman. i'm a girl who essentially likes guys. and i miss making out with guys.

in fact i haven't met a new guy or even had a real date (whatever that is) in over 2 months. and that's shocking. and also kinda depressing. 'coz i don't even know where to find a guy even if i tried. i just think that i'm batting at zeroes in this department (and actually others as well but i won't go into that).

and i guess it doesn't help when sometimes the guy based in missouri tells me stuff like:

the guy based in missouri: lol you are very high maintenance i think
jo: why?
the guy based in missouri: just your 'tude =P
jo: i don't think i'm high maintenance
the guy based in missouri: lol girls will never think that
the guy based in missour: it's only guys who will think that
the guy based in missouri: you expect too much from a guy
the guy based in missouri: that's all i'm trying to tell you
jo: so basically i'm screwed... and not in a good way
the guy based in missouri: a lot of things you think are normal
the guy based in missouri: guys don't think they are

this whole conversation bothered me more than i cared to admit. i'm not annoyed with the guy based in missouri or anything. i mean i appreciate that we've managed to go from "dating" to friends more successfully than i've ever had before. but that said, it's the very fact that we did "date" for a short while that makes me worried when he makes a statement like that. is there something that he sees from the standpoint of a guy "dating" me that i don't realise?

now i don't happen to think i'm high maintenance. in fact i almost "pride" myself for not being high maintenance. i'm not into branded goods or expensive jewellery. i'm pretty understanding and not possessive. i always offer to split the bill on dates and never suggest that the guys take me out for fancy dinners. i'm generally on-time and always contact the guy beforehand if i'm running late. i'm sociable and can usually get along with anyone's friends.

so what on earth is so high maintenance bout me??

is it 'coz i want the guy to make an effort? well yeah! i mean he has to at least show me he's interested... he really doesn't need to jump through hoops or bring me the sun and moon, he just needs to show that he's interested. and i'd meet him halfway. that's of 'coz assuming that i'm interested. which i think is the biggest problem. i'm hardly interested in the very few guys who have ever been interested in me. instead i choose to be interested in the guys who don't give me the time of day.

i don't think that makes me high maintenance. i think that just makes me unlucky.

so basically the outlook doesn't look good. i mean i know everyone keeps on saying bout how they're sure that sooner or later i'll find someone 'coz i'm so awesome and all that. yeah i think i'm pretty awesome (in the most modest way possible of 'coz :P) but really, are they sure that i'll find someone? how can anyone be sure of such stuff?

well for now i think i'm screwed... and not in a good way.