of becoming boring...

lately my thoughts and emotions have just been bouncing all over the place.

i admit it, i'm concerned. i'm concerned that i'm becoming boring. lately i haven't really been going out much. i'm not really feeling the friendship love... or even the romantic love (of which let's not even get into just yet). i seem to be spending waay too much time at home online or watching tv. i haven't had an alcoholic beverage in at least 2 weeks which is normally unheard of. and to top it off, i think i've lost my mojo.

so things with the ad-man hasn't been all that promising lately. sure we've been leaving messages for each other via the online social utility site. but strangely we never really IMed properly since he got back over the weekend.

i hate that part of my emotional wackiness has to do with him. i mean that just proves what i've long known... that i'm already emotionally attached. for the first time ever, i'm attracted to someone in every way and honestly i think i might have finally found what i'm looking for... except that i don't know if he feels the same way.

so what bout "the solution" right? well i'm really trying. but i'm beginning to think that attempting to "serial date" is proving to be increasingly more challenging.

i reckon that i'm just bout ready to give up attempting online dating. each time i log in just to check what's out there, i'm faced with tons of all the same profiles of which i'm not even remotely interested in. and even my "trusty" bar/club random guy happenings isn't happening if i've lost my mojo. it's like i'm fighting a losing battle here. i either have to suddenly figure out a way to be attracted to guys i'm normally not attracted to or else i have to face the fact that there is just a very very small pool of guys for me out there that i would even be vaguely bothered with.

maybe all i need is just a drink... or maybe 5 drinks... and then in an inebriated haze make out with some guy and then delude myself for a while that the ad-man doesn't mean as much to me as he really does... but really where's the long-term game plan in that?