the partially commitment phobic side rears its head...

back in feb, at the valentine's day massacre party, i had a free tarot reading done. in that reading, i was told that i would have an exciting relationship this year though i may not want to fully commit.

i admit that since then i had been wondering who i was going to have that so-called exciting relationship with. back then i had just started some sort of a thing with the mind-reader and so i wondered if perhaps it was him. well that fizzled out soon after it started. the other guys that breezed into my life after weren't particularly exciting either. though maybe i wondered for a split second bout the rich kid.

then in walked in the ad-man. i seriously thought maybe this was the exciting relationship that the tarot reader talked bout. but then again she did say that i wasn't able to fully commit. that's when i knew it couldn't be him. i was totally willing to commit to the ad-man. he just wanted to commit to someone else.

and then there was drummer boy...

we've been continuing to text each other throughout the day for days, occasionally even talking on the phone.

last night we went out for dinner and then took a walk by the beach before settling down on some benches while listening to a band play. it was relatively crowded but i did feel that he was inching closer to me. later he drove me home and we somehow wound up just sitting and chatting in the car bout music, including listening to his band. then i felt his hand get closer to mine... and somehow we wound up holding hands. he seemed a lil exhuberant, nearly crushing my tiny hand with his large strong one.

i was off work today and woke up to his text saying that he was in my part of town and asking if i wanted to have lunch. well turns out that he wasn't really in my part of town (though it's not that big a place here) and he had in fact taken a half day off work.

we had lunch near my place and walked around before winding up in the car chatting where his hand reached mine again. and then we decided to drive out to see some plants. as we walked around checking out the plants, his hand reached mine yet again and we walked hand in hand for a while. then he drove me home before meeting his family for dinner and at my doorstep, he stepped in and kissed me.

okay so it wasn't really a kiss kiss. at least not by my definition. it was a peck. but still...

and now i'm even more convinced than ever that this could be the exciting relationship that i couldn't commit to that the tarot reader predicted.

it certainly is an exciting relationship. i've never really had someone who wanted to text me the whole day everyday and meet up with me all the time. yes i know, what kind of guys have i been meeting right? obviously the ones who are just not that into me. as for drummer boy, we do get along. we talk and laugh and joke around with each other. it's almost like a good friend... only not really.

but the partially commitment phobic in me is coming out... i'm not ready to fully commit to him. i still hold on to what i've said bout him not being right for me. he's not exactly what i'm looking for in the long-term. and yet in the short, non-commited term, i'm relatively okay with it.

he knows that i'm partially commitment phobic and i don't like dtrs (define the relationship) and i'm hoping that we never have to do that.