Saturday, September 13, 2008

and i still don't know

and in the current long saga with drummer boy... well yeah, i still don't know.

i made a conscious effort not to contact him at all yesterday. call it my attempt in playing it cool if you will. besides work had me fairly busy. i was the last one to leave the office on a friday night with no social plans at all, so i decided to head to the bookstore for a spot of reading in my lonesome. i hadn't heard from him all day but i figured i was going to try and hold out till he contacted me which i expected that he would 'coz we hadn't confirmed our meeting time and venue for the next day.

sure enough he texted. and i replied an hour later 'coz i had my nose buried in my book. i was not only attempting to play it cool, i was also attempting to play the game. later at night he IMed me but we didn't chat much 'coz i kept being away from my computer every now and then.

today was definitely a fun day. it was the closest we've come to being as "normal" before the whole disconnection set in. we spend an entire day at the interactive science playground just checking out the exhibits and enjoying ourselves. along the way he made a move to put his arm around me or give me some bear hugs from behind. he even backed me to a wall in a corner and kissed me swiftly.

while it was really nice and all i think it also further confused me. it seems like he does still like me and yet... i don't know... frankly i think neither one of us knows. but it was going as well as it could (by comparison) that i would have probably brought up the talk except that there just wasn't any privacy to do that.

honestly i have no idea how to act or do or say. it's confusing and i'm really confused.



At 3:04 AM, Blogger SaneAndSingle said...

I think you're both doing the same thing...playing it cool and playing the game!

I'm glad you two had fun though!

At 5:20 AM, Blogger Crashdummie said...

I feel kinda dumstruck here - what on earth is going on?

Aaaah, confusion. But then again, why do we always have to define everything. As long as it feels right and good, why ruin it by trying to figure it out and label it.

To get some clarity and sanity maybe.. eh i dunno jo. As u see confusion is contagious.

At 11:52 AM, Blogger Jade said...

At least you didn't take your confusion to a bad level like I did and now he's gone (see my newest post).

At 8:54 PM, Blogger jo said...

saneandsingle: i think you're so right... we're both trying to play it cool and play the game. which is actually quite silly. and i have no idea what to do...

crashy: haha! oh dear i hope i haven't confused you too much. i realised that my confusion is so overwhelming that i'm just seeking for clarity in any way i can... though apparently talking to him for clarity seems to be the hardest thing to do...

jade: aww hun... hugs! we're like sisters of perpetual confusion haha!

At 2:35 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I think you have to go with the flow and just have a good time whenever you hang out with him.

At 9:20 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

so i am quoteing one of chelsea talks smack's
blogs about this type of situation that i felt really tugged on my heart strings and made it will yours as well :

"Maybe, I just like the idea of things being simpler. Less deadlines, less cryptic speaking and less time worrying about "playing your cards right." I like the idea of being happy with a ranch and your favorite horse. I love the idea of a gentleman picking me up in a truck, hopping out to open the door for me and then surprising me with a bouquet full of wild daisies on the seat, or a picnic by a creek and a tree with a tire swing. I love the idea of someone simply, letting themselves fall in love. Is this real? Or did I see that in Hope Floats....or something?

I like the idea of things that we make so complicated, just being what they are. Courting someone shouldn't be brain surgery. Feeling your emotions and putting them into the proper outlets shouldn't be so daunting. Falling in love shouldn't be met with question every single time. Saying YES to something new shouldn't be as scary as we make it out to be. Living contently doesn't mean we stop striving or growing but we appreciate.

Baggage should be less heavy. People should be more trusting and trustworthy. Loyalty should just be, because we only get one life and the people we're given should be cherished. Dessert shouldn't be seen as a number, as calories, or guilt it should just be exactly what it is, delicious.

Why are fixing what isn't even broken? Are we meant to sabotage certain things to learn the lesson, to stick our hands in the pot and start stirring what was already perfect at a soft simmer, is the simplicity of things just being good too hard for us to handle???"

At 10:04 AM, Blogger jo said...

nevergoingbackagain: oh that was beautiful... it really tugged on my heartstrings too. i think it's true though... i wished that things were just simpler. afterall if it's meant to be, it shouldn't be that complicated right?

and yeah i'm trying to go with the flow and just have a good time when i hang out with him. but i can't help but wish for and miss the days before... when he actually seemed to be making an effort. i'm at such a loss bout what to do...


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