so i lied...

i was going to do everything in my power not to suggest to drummer boy bout meeting up on friday. but my resolve started to weaken...

on thursday i joked with him bout him being so busy and then he told me that he was free on friday. then i joked if he was asking or telling and he joked back that he was telling. i honestly wanted to bop him over the head outta frustration. and that's no joke!

you would think that that would strengthen my resolve right? but noo... 'coz i'm masochistic like that, i actually IMed him later asking if he wanted to meet up.

maybe it was in part 'coz i really wanted to give it another shot. i guess i just don't know when to quit. in another part it was 'coz a guy who i winked at on the online dating site some time ago and who sent me an email over a month ago and who i've been chatting via IM very briefly on/off with finally tentatively asked me out for coffee on saturday.

i know i said that i didn't really want to "date" other guys. but i did tell myself before that if this particular guy did ask me out, i'd go 'coz i was attracted to him (as much attraction as you can get without a face to face meeting). afterall technically i've known him before this whole thing with drummer boy. i guess i'm just not really into actively going out to try and "date" other guys.

which is part of the reason why i lied to my party girl and bailed out of our friday night plans. i knew right from the start that i wasn't up for it. first of all i wasn't too keen on the other girls hanging out with us. and secondly i just didn't feel like drinking.

lately i just haven't been feeling like drinking. partly 'coz my finances have been pretty tight. and partly 'coz i don't want to get into another one of those too tipsy makeout sessions. i just don't feel like meeting some random guy in a bar/club and the whole making out thing or exchanging of phone numbers when half the time he doesn't call or even if he does, it doesn't really get much further than 2 dates. somehow all that has lost it's appeal. call me an old fart or maybe i'm maturing or whatever but i'm really increasingly starting to feel like i want to "settle down". i want to learn how to be in an actual relationship. i blame this pseudo relationship with drummer boy... it made me realise how nice something non random could possibly be.

but of 'coz it's also a whole lotta heartache when you realise that things seem to be going south...

****

anyhow in the end drummer boy came down with the sniffles and he called off the meeting up. he assured me that he wasn't lying and asked me not to be mad.

i wasn't mad. i was disappointed. partly 'coz i missed him and i was looking forward to seeing him. and partly 'coz i had been thinking of actually talking it out with him (even though i have no idea how but i need him to actually respond!) and this just means that i still have to carry around with me the burden of being confused bout the whole situation (though maybe even if i did meet him, i might still be confused). and partly 'coz i'm not sure if he will actually even try and reschedule. it took a lot outta me to ask him for friday night... and it's sad if he doesn't at least try and ask me out again like he used to...

****

i really wanted to just head home and mope or something. but at the advice of my best friend, i decided to head out with my party girl, the yummy mommy and some other friends of friends for a spot of friday night partying.

that turned out to be pretty crazy. at one point my party girl's friend's (i've met her once before) guy friend asked if i was lesbian. seriously i have no idea where people get this from. is it 'coz i check out girls? heck i check out guys too! or maybe is it 'coz i'm more comfy having a girl invade my personal space rather than a guy? or perhaps is it 'coz all the girls that night (and my girls are all total hotties) somehow wound up in dresses while i was the only one rocking in jeans? anyhow he's quite the player though and decided that he should kiss (just a peck!) me in order to find out. well he also kissed the yummy mommy so whatever.

by the end of the night, the yummy mommy and i were dancing with 2 young random boys. at first it started out with me dancing with the taller guy, since i'm taller and all. and then i have no idea how it happened but shortly after we switched partners.

the other guy might be shorter (he's still taller than me though) but i immediately found him very attractive. he turned out to be a 24 year old medical student who also liked to do triathlons. and i'm such a sucker for athletic guys. this boy could also really dance. i mean you don't normally see guys dancing all that well but this one definitely had the moves. and as i ran my hands down his arms, chest, abs and back, i could tell (or feel? haha!) that he had just the kind of lean muscled body that i like. cute, smart and a nice body? dang!

we exchanged numbers but i'm not sure what's gonna happen, if anything at all. i'm definitely curious bout this one...

****

the guy who asked me out for coffee on saturday couldn't make it in the end 'coz of some work and social commitments. he asked me for lunch instead but there was no way i was up to dragging myself outta bed that early after the night of partying i had. it was amazing in itself that i saw his text at 9.30am on a saturday morning. in the end we settled for a weekday dinner though the day isn't fixed yet.

****

i must admit though that i'm sad that i didn't hear from drummer boy at all the whole of last night as well as this morning. i caved in and texted him after lunch to find out if he was feeling better and all that and he finally replied that he was feeling worst. i called him and the poor boy sounds sick... or maybe 'coz he was kinda sleeping... now i just feel bad. well he did refuse my initial volunteering to nurse him back to health...

i can't help it. despite everything that has happened or not happened or whatever, i really do still care a lot bout him and he still means a lot to me.