Monday, November 03, 2008

dancing with myself

maybe after weeks of wallowing waay too much, i'm ready to get out of this pit of despair over drummer boy.

i have to thank my best friend as well as everyone here for being with me every step of the way in the painful process of getting over drummer boy. i'm not even fully convinced that i've completed the process. but for the first time, i think that i'm truly actually starting to get there. and i think that the article that please don't eat with your mouth open posted was kinda the turning point.

yes i was heartbroken. and in some ways i was reclusive. and i was most certainly wallowing. but the article reminded me that love is brutal but i can't take love and the loss of it too personally. and that it's okay to plumb the depths of despair. and bout the way that i myself have always dealt with sadness in my life. i would dive deep down until i was bored enough to bounce right back up.

and when recently i found myself happily dancing with myself in my underwear to nickelback's gotta be somebody on repeat, that's when i realised that maybe my time has come to bounce right back up again.

i'm starting to find myself kinda pathetic to the point that i'm almost laughing at it, that this is affecting me that much. sure i'm not truly totally over drummer boy. and sure drummer boy will always be remembered in a special and different way. but that chapter ends. and at some point, a new chapter will have to begin...

and just when i thought that things were turning around... i fall right back into it again.

i caved. and i contacted him. we had a nice IM chat but i guess it doesn't really change anything. except for the obvious that yes, i'm still hung up on drummer boy.

the thing with dancing with yourself is that even though you're dancing, you're still all by yourself...

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6 Comments:

At 1:14 AM, Blogger Please Don't Eat With Your Mouth Open said...

It's a great article isn't it? I remember reading it and thinking wow, that's going to help me one day. I know what it's like to just stop wanting to be with someone, and you can never articulate the reasons. The same goes for why you want to be with someone, it goes against all logic. I particularly liked the bit about writing emails you don't send, it seemed fitting given your dilemma the other week about sending him an email. Step awaaaay from the keyboard! :)

 
At 1:27 AM, Blogger Scotty said...

No more keyboard! Delete from IM list!

 
At 2:38 AM, OpenID tbrooke said...

i agree with Scotty...DELETE him! It's better to dance by yourself than dance with someone who doesnt give you 100%..and you deserve 110% Jo!

ps. new link = new blog :)

 
At 9:45 AM, Blogger jo said...

i know i know! everytime i think i'm taking one step forward, i take like half a step back. but i think i'm progressing... albeit slowly...

please don't eat with your mouth open: yeah the article was uplifting and the writing of emails you don't send part felt fitting to me too. i think maybe i need to go read the article again haha!

scotty: maybe i shouldn't say bout how i haven't even been able to delete our picture from my phone... and no it's not my wallpaper 'coz that's just creepy haha!

tbrooke: thanks hun... and new blog? so what's gonna happen with your old one?

 
At 10:00 AM, OpenID tbrooke said...

i will delete the old blog in about a week or so after everyone updates. i wanted to be more personal and i'm not sure who all is lurking around the old one so please update your reader or links :)

 
At 11:06 AM, Blogger jo said...

tbrooke: i've updated already! :) and yeah i get the whole not wanting people in your "real" life to know bout certain things. that's why i kept this blog top secret from everyone i know in "real" life. though if anyone were to chance upon it, they'd probably know it was me.

 

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