this is the part where i realise i have turned into a boring old lady

halloween weekend meant that i saw many exciting pictures posted on the online social utility site loudly proclaiming all the fun that everyone else was having and loudly proclaiming in my mind to remind me all the fun i wasn't having.

i used to be the fun girl. i partied it up weekly and drank copiously. i laughed, i danced, i had heaps of fun. nevermind that occasionally i would come back down realising that it wasn't all that fun and exciting afterall.

i've always had my moments where all the partying would take its toll on me and i would feel the urge to run away from it all. and i've never felt more like this than since this year. it didn't help that i got attached and partying without your significant other loses it's fun when half the time you have to be careful not to drink too much and accidentally engage in some random making out. it also makes matters worst when my party girl is now very much a stay home girl. she works long hours and is pretty tired out and lately it's been even harder to get her to head out for dinner much less to party.

my new party BFF is still partying it up with the others in the group but frankly, i've never actually been all that close to them and i highly suspect that my new party BFF no longer keeps me in the party loop simply 'coz she assumes i will have plans with the alpha boy.

all this just makes me realise that honestly i don't have a whole lot of friends. i mean if i wanted to party, i could probably still round up a few enthusiastic party girls. but if i'm looking for dinner and perhaps some chill out drinks with someone i can just talk to and share with, i'm kinda batting at zero.

my best friend is located far far away and my party girl will soon be moving to far far far away next year. i have a few other friends here and there who i do make time to catch up with but it's not a regular thing. which basically leaves me with practically no friends left.

maybe it's another phase of life. and much as i've always told myself that i won't forget my friends even when i'm attached, i never quite bargained that my so-called friends would be the ones to forget me instead.

i guess i just can't quite help but sometimes feel like i'm alone.