Tuesday, December 01, 2009

perhaps you should do as i say and not necessarily as i might do

i don't know the full details but i reckon it went something like this...

he got together with her. she cheated on him. twice. they broke up. she was still into him. he probably always had a soft spot for her. they got back together. soon after they got engaged. 1.5 years later they broke up again.

and this is the story (to date) of dj guy and his ex girlfriend / fiancee / whatever.

i realised that with this particular couple, i could never quite say which way it was likely to go. i saw reasons why they probably could have been together. at the same time i saw reasons why they probably wouldn't eventually wind up with each other. and maybe it all came down to the reason that i think if it didn't work out once, it probably wouldn't still work out.

and yet, i also know of cases where a couple broke up, got back together and was stronger than before. then again there also have been plenty of cases where it was clear the whole back and forth thing was just not going to work.

i tend to be in that camp. i tend to think that unless you're really willing to work at whatever problems you guys initially had, getting back with an ex probably isn't the best idea.

and now add cheating into the mix. what happens if you guys broke up 'coz one of you cheated? is once a cheater, always a cheater?

without a shadow of doubt, i used to think so. i don't know. i suppose sometimes people really do change. and sometimes (possibly most times?), they probably don't.

maybe that's why i thought in some ways, dj guy's relationship with his ex girlfriend / fiancee / whatever was probably doomed to fail from the start when she cheated on him.

i found myself wondering that if i were still single, would i have tried to get back into contact dj guy in an attempt to restart things? and i realised that i probably would have. even though i know how that story will end, or rather how that story won't even have a proper start.

so yes, getting back with an ex may not be the best idea, but i would probably have still wanted to try again with my "ex" anyway...

i guess this just makes me confused, or simply normal?

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4 Comments:

At 12:34 AM, Blogger SaneAndSingle said...

I'm like you...you break up for a reason! If it isn't working the first time, chances are likely it won't work the second. There are exceptions to the rule, just as any other rule.

 
At 6:30 AM, Blogger Dater at Large said...

I think for me, the cheating is an absolute line that I can't cross back over. I don't subscribe the the "once a cheater" theory, but I do think it ruins the relationship with the person you cheated on.

That said, if you do break up and get back together, you had better honestly discuss why you broke up, and why you're getting back together. Otherwise history will repeat itself more often than not.

 
At 8:09 PM, Blogger You Make My Date said...

I agree with Dater at Large completely. Cheating boils down to you having no respect for your relationship/the other person. And when they find out about it, they should have no respect for you either. The trust should be gone.

Then again, I've seen girls try to forgive and forget, and in some cases, it works. But to be brutally honest, I think it's because they don't respect themselves.

 
At 9:21 AM, Blogger jo said...

you make my date: you're so right in your brutal honesty, or at least that's what i think as well. i think that if you respect yourself and know what you're worth, you won't take that crap. though then again sometimes it's those pesky hormones and emotions that get in the way haha!

 

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