it's a brave new world

happy new year! it's amazing how time just flies. i wasn't quite ready for the new year. and in some ways, i'm still not ready. somehow it just feels like this year, the year that i turn the big 3-0, should be a "definining" year or something.

my new year was essentially spent in just bout the same manner as christmas. on new year's eve the alpha boy and i were at his friend's house (i'm pretty "close" to said friend) where a few of us did nothing more than have dinner, chat, play wii and watch a movie.

on new year's day, the alpha boy's father cooked his special lamb for dinner and i was invited over. that was yummy and then it resulted in us (just me and the alpha boy, not his dad haha!) cuddling up on the couch watching a movie with his mom.

saturday was spent in a similar manner and by sunday we decided that we had to break away from simply chilling out at home and went to run an errand together.

it's weird. kinda surreal actually. the way we are naturally at home. the conversations that passed. where he talked bout wanting to get married and various other things that imply a long term life together.

wow. but i don't know. is it crazy? i mean i've been single for so long and "complained" bout it for some of that time and i know that i'm definitely the marrying kind... but just when it looks like it might all come true, i feel like i'm not quite ready yet.

i suppose it's also normal for this uncertainty to be accompanied with an inability to know if it's just nerves or if maybe on some subconscious level, i'm unsure of him. but i don't want to exit this relationship. and of 'coz we are still a fair bit of time away from even talking propoerly bout getting engaged.

maybe it's just bout change. i haven't always adapted well to initial change before. but it's a brand new year and a brave new world i might possibly have to tread into. at least eventually. i just hope i figure this all out.