i want to have my cake and eat it too

the ungirly hottie has recently met a new guy on her vacation trip a few weeks ago. at that time she was kinda with another guy who was older, more stable, perhaps more boring? but it was this new guy that woke her up. suddenly she realised that she didn't want the old guy anymore. he didn't make her feel alive like the new guy.

the new guy makes her remember what passionate love is. she literally can't stop kissing him. she loves talking silly with him all night and laughing. how he would cook dinner at her place in nothing but an apron, waiting for her to come home. she declares it's true love every single moment being with him.

but he's 3 years younger, doesn't have any career but works odd jobs for money to travel and lives half a world away. they knew right from the start that it was just for fun. there wasn't a future to talk about.

so here's the thing. in all probability, this guy is not the kind to settle down with, that's assuming he can even settle down. it's probably as intense and passionate as it is simply due to the fact that everyone knows it can't last. and yet i can't help feeling a slight pang of jealousy that she found passionate love, a person that makes her feel alive.

i want that. but i also want the stability of someone who loves me and only me. is that too much to ask?

and once again i feel like i'm missing out on something...