Wednesday, May 31, 2006

rules to live by

recently i was talking to a friend who has been getting along really well with 2 guys. both show signs of being interested though neither has actually asked her out yet. she’s sorta interested in both. but being the fabulous woman that she is, she’s decided that she can only be with a guy who has the balls to ask her out. i say good for her. but being a woman, she lets her emotions carry her away a bit and say that she thinks either of ‘em could be the one for her.

this got me thinking. lately i’ve gotten more indifferent bout it all and i think it’s ‘coz i’ve finally learnt a number of things in my years of ‘dating’ and failing.

i used to be just like my friend. there have been times when i thought that the guy could potentially be the one despite never having actually gone out with him. but why? probably ‘coz i saw qualities in him that i wanted in a guy. or maybe in some warped way i was seeking to justify my undying feelings for him and therefore reasoned that there had to be a greater destiny in the fact that i still liked him despite everything. yes, the mind is a thing of wonder.

at the risk of sounding like every other relationship self help book in the market, us girls like to overanalyze every lil thing. we take small actions and overthink ‘em till they become massive signs. but to guys, it’s probably very straight forward. he likes you enough, he asks you out. he doesn’t think too much bout whether you’re out of his league or if you’re gonna reject him. he could be shitting in his pants from nervousness but he’d probably ask you anyway. he likes you enough, he makes time for you. he doesn’t give crap excuses like he’s too busy at the moment or he has to focus on something else and it’s not the right time for a relationship. ‘coz if he thinks you’re the right girl, he’s gonna wanna drop everything and not lose you. of ‘coz that is if he likes you enough. it’s not exactly rocket science.

which is why a few months ago i decided that i’m just not gonna bother too much. i no longer feel a need to know the name of a new random person i’m talking to. if he introduces himself, all well and good. but if he doesn’t, i wouldn’t rush to introduce myself. if he's meant to be more than just a guest star for the moment, eventually we'd get to the name part. and if we are introduced and i forget his name, that’s okay with me. even if we’ve been talking and getting along well the entire night. if he gives me his namecard, i’d take it. but this doesn’t mean that he shouldn’t ask for my number anyway. if he asks for my number i’ll probably give it as long as i don’t think he’s a psycho. but i won’t ask for his number in return. if he chooses to give me his number by calling my phone immediately when i’m right there next to him, i’d save it. but under no circumstances will i actually be the first one to contact him.

and if he does contact, i will respond in a friendly and timely manner. i don’t believe in any of that delayed response thing. that’s just silly. and i don’t take to anyone who does that either. do that 3 times and you’re audited out of my phone book. for that matter, after a period of time of not contacting, he will be audited out too. if he suggests to meet up, i will agree. but he has to get back to me as to actually when he would like that day to be. suggesting that we meet up is not setting a day to meet up. suggestions are just empty promises. like when he suggests meeting up or suggests that one day he will cook for me. suggestions, suggestions. don’t mean squat.

and just ‘coz he seems to like you doesn’t mean much either. yeah he likes you. but you don’t know if he likes only you. sometimes I think that there’s a connection between me and a guy but i’ve learnt that it doesn’t mean that he’s stopped ‘dating’ around or that i should stop keeping my options open even if the options currently presented seems pale in comparison.

even if the guy actually says that he likes you doesn’t mean that he hasn’t been saying that to other girls. it could be just a hormonal thing rather than a from the heart thing. i mean you’ve all watched the bachelor right? how many different girls did he profess his affection to? and even then, he didn’t last long with the girl that he finally picked. so yeah you get my point.

for me, it’s become more simple and less like rocket science. if he likes me enough, he’d make the effort. and please note that i’m talking bout the initial effort here. i do meet the guy halfway but he has to make the initial effort first. i used to think and rationalize that perhaps the guy is shy. well there are guys who are shy. but even then i’m positive that they have the ability to make the initial effort. they just have to really like the girl. i kinda like ‘em shy guys. and I’ve lamented bout how passive they are. but in reality it’s just that they didn’t like me enough to be more proactive. i’ve learnt that even though that sucks, it’s fine by me. afterall if he doesn’t like me enough, there’s no way that we’re even meant to be.

next… moving on...



At 2:07 PM, Anonymous Girl Friday said...

Hey, I was looking for a good definition of pseudo-dating the other day and came across your page. Just wanted to let you know I enjoyed what you wrote. :)


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