Friday, January 12, 2007

call it what it really is

maybe there really is a law of three...

today my friend IMed me that her boyfriend just broke up with her. add that to my best friend feeling depressed over a guy she liked not contacting her and my party girl who called me last night to say that she didn't need to break up with her boyfriend 'coz he broke up with her first. that makes three.

my friend shared over IM that her boyfriend freaked out 'coz things started getting serious and suddenly found a whole ton of things wrong with her that he never had a problem with before. and this morning my best friend called and admitted that she had done a lot for that guy she liked. she claimed that it was all in the name of friendship and not 'coz she liked him. i think liking him certainly propelled her to do more. when i asked my party girl how she was coping, she said that her first though is to get him to send back her stuff and she hasn't quite let herself feel the emotions yet.

and suddenly i find myself thrown into all these thoughts...

i think sometimes we deceive ourselves. probably as a defense mechanism. 'coz the lies seems better than the truth.

it could be the fear of commitment but made out to sound like the other person was doing all the wrong things. it could be convincing yourself that you did all those things for the other person in the name of just friendship. it could also be telling yourself that you're not bothered by the situation and distract yourself in order not to let yourself feel the true emotions.

i've been there. and i don't even have any advice on how to not be there. i guess what i'm trying to do is to be honest to myself bout what i really feel. so if i'm scared of commitment, then i'll admit to myself that i'm scared of opening up to someone for fear that i'm going to get hurt. and that i really didn't make all that effort for someone just 'coz he was my friend. i like him. and i like him enough that even as a friend would be better than nothing at all. and i'm bothered by the situation and trying to convince myself that i'm not only convinces me for a while but doesn't really help. i should accept that i'm bothered, i'm hurt, and if i need to tell that person how i feel, then i should instead of rationalising their behavior all in my head.

that said, it's not easy. 'coz the lies just seems so much easier...

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2 Comments:

At 1:34 PM, Blogger Emmie said...

Well though lie seems much easier.... but its apparent.... i agree with what u think... well at least one should be loyal to his /her own heart.... i do liked your post and your views... u can as well drop by My Blog sometime too... hope u will find it interesting !!!

 
At 9:10 AM, Blogger Crashdummie said...

as it said at the entrance to the Oracle in Delphi : "Know thyself"...

So be true to yourself Jo - cuz only you know what you deserve and are worth...

Take care!

 

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