and i'm not even usually like that...

since the short texting on saturday night, i've had a couple of short IM conversations with the youngest one. admittedly all initiated by me, (am i turning psycho? is he gonna block me in his IM soon?) though they all went relatively well. but it's still not like he's the one IMing me first like he used to. maybe he's "backing off"?

i still can't quite get him outta my mind... i wanna talk to him, see him, make out with him.

okay so maybe therein probabaly lies the real problem...

i wanna make out with him.

it's so rare for me to feel such a strong pull of physical attraction coupled with a pretty good ability to converse with each other. and dang i really blame the physical attraction. he's definitely pretty attractive with lovely dark eyes though not the hottest beefcake around. but there's just something bout him. maybe in part it's his cocky attitude. but i know it's mostly 'coz of the way i feel when he kisses me. sparkage. chemistry. heat. it makes me wanna jump him and i'm not even usually like that.

he isn't suitable for me. that much i'm almost sure bout. he's not mr. right. but i sure want him to be mr. right now. i think that if he was constantly calling, trying to make dates and liking me back, i'd be happy. at this point the physical attraction is strong enough for me to want to continue.

but it's not like he's really doing any calling, date making or liking me back. at least no longer...

somehow i miss him... and i almost wanna tell him how i feel... and i'm not even usually like that.

that said, maybe i should just post an 'ad' for someone to make out with...