endings

yesterday was my last day in my job. and i don't think anyone has ever had more people in their farewell lunch or more farewell parties as i had.

after work, my (now ex) boss man, 2 other colleagues and i went to a wine place where we had a few glasses of sparkling wine and some finger food. later everyone else went on their way so i made my way to the cozy hole-in-the-wall bar to wait to join some other colleagues in a party session.

it was kinda crazy in the bar. just a few of us regulars but a whole lotta shots. the bartender aka dj guy was there of 'coz. and another guy was trying to fix us up. trying to get me to admit that i liked dj guy. i pleaded the fifth of 'coz. admittedly i am attracted to him and do feel that there's that certain something going on but do i actually like like him? i don't know...

anyhow i wasn't intending to mention anything bout sunday... but in the end i wound up saying to dj guy something like "you were supposed to call me yesterday weren't you..." his response was how he was sleeping the day away, totally dead to the world and missed like 23 calls. but no mention of the plans we supposedly had and no apology.

that said, we were pretty darn huggy the entire time i was there. and before i left to meet my colleagues he told me to let him know when i was done as he may be closing the bar early.

the partying time with my colleagues was great as usual. even though the group shrank drastically to just shy colleague and 2 other colleagues one of whom i'm somewhat close to and would dearly love to maintain and increase that closeness despite me leaving.

we ended it really early at bout 1am. so i decided to text dj guy. he didn't respond. which wasn't that big a deal for me 'coz i get the night life and working in the night life mustn't be easy. but i don't get it when he doesn't respond at all. not even the next day.

anyhow shy colleague sent me home and even walked me to my doorstep. he's really a great guy. i think he's got it. that sweet, caring quality that girls would love. i mean this sweetheart left me a farewell card in my pigeon hole in the mailing room of the office. it was such a surprise. and the card moved me to tears. but we're platonic... and i don't think we would ever be anything else...

as for all the other guys i meet who just can't seem to treat me right... i really need to be done with 'em. that's the sane thing to do. of 'coz sometimes it seems like i'm rarely sane and far more masochistic and self destructive.