but really what do i know?

a few years ago some guy friends joked that i could write a book bout dating. something to provide guys with a female perspective and give them some information on how to date.

it's funny 'coz i don't think that i have a lot of dating experience. yes, i have dated some. and yes, i have been exposed to the party lifestyle (those guy friends haven't) which have allowed me to see and experience some less conventional dating styles. but that's bout it... some personal paltry psuedo dating experiences with mainly men who weren't even worth it.

but perhaps it's exactly that that makes me want the good guys to win. it's almost like i sometimes feel the need to try and help these good guys (who mostly seem to come across as pretty shy) to step up, level the playing field and beat the players out there whose expertise seem to run only to breaking girls' hearts.

there are guys like shy (now ex) colleague (who i have always nicknamed as my angel boy), who is a lovely guy but seemed to be getting the short end of the stick from a girl he's pseudo dated. i think girls need more guys like him, sweet and sincere. but at the same time my advice to him was not to take this crap. i mean obviously you gotta be nice to the girl you're interested in but not in that bend-over-backwards way that i've seen some guys do. sure, you might eventually get the girl after prolonged periods of being her doormat, but how is that sustainable? he needed to be confident, to know his worth and believe that a girl who didn't see him as a catch just wasn't worth the trouble anyway.

it was the same advice i found myself recently giving to another ex colleague. he's a 22 year old ex intern who has strangely always reminded me a lil of my angel boy. maybe it's in the youth (my angel boy is just a year older than he is), maybe it's just something in their personality. but they are both good guys. good guys that i seem to have a bit of a soft spot for and want to see winning the girl.

after our IM chat, the ex intern echoed the same sentiments as my guy friends did years ago and told me that i could write a book on this.

and i'm the girl who only recently just got a boyfriend. i think it's safe to say that i'm not qualified for this.

i'm woman, hear me meow

there was a time when shy (now ex) colleague and i were IMing up a storm on a daily basis. but then he went to university and started leading a busier life. well that happens and i get that.

we haven't chatted much in the last 6 months but recently we had one of our long IM conversations that we used to have. it was so great to talk and share with him. i've missed that.

but it also seems that in this short span of time, he's grown up. and it was almost shocking (and somewhat disturbing) that our conversation found him, a sweet, shy, innocent 22 year old, giving me advice on 'dating'.

i told him bout the whole incident with dj guy and shy (now ex) colleague's advice could be essentially summed up in 3 words...

jump and grab

yes. he basically told me that if i still liked dj guy and if i thought that he probably still liked me, then i had to put the moves on dj guy. i had to bring out the primal animalistic side of me (i say the lioness 'coz i'm a leo haha!) and show dj guy that i wanted him. 'coz at the end of the day, dj guy is still a guy... a man.

but shy (now ex) colleague and i both know that i'm too wussy for that. this so-called lioness is really more of a lil kitty cat who thinks too much and would probably pass out if she had to so blatantly put the moves on a guy.

and even though it's been a few days since that conversation, i think my subconscious is actively thinking of doing just what my shy (now ex) colleague suggested.

last night i dreamt that when dj guy gave me our usual hug and cheek kisses, i turned my head and gave him a peck on the lips. and he was stunned and basically said something along the lines of "what do you think you're doing?!" which of 'coz made me panic and apologise.

sigh... i'm still so into him that it's killing me...

misunderstandings and mixed signs

last night i was online with the french banterer briefly. per usual he got into his joking around of the usual variety. somehow i mustn't have been in the best of moods to entertain him. so i kinda told him off a bit that i was a lil tired of him trying to test me half the time.

i think that he must have gotten angry or something 'coz he went rather quiet. and then later he explained that he was just teasing me and not testing me. and that there was a difference. i don't know. maybe french for teasing is everyone else's testing.

anyhow i'm gonna just lay low for a while. i reckon i'm still supposed to meet him on sunday. somehow i think it's better when we meet up face to face as opposed to IMing.

the joke of it all is that he realised that i came back on the online dating site. so instead of getting any new winks or messages, what i got instead was an email from him via the online dating site that he 'saw my announce'. (*note there was no announcement of any kind but i think he just meant that he saw me back on the site)

****

i was IMing with shy (now ex) colleague who like any good friend of mine, is aware of the kind of going ons with my family friend's setup. i told him that my family friend's setup asked if i could teach him this weekend how to swim more effectively. not that i have good authority on that. but just that i swim more than he does. i didn't take it to mean all that much though shy (now ex) colleague pointed out that my family friend's setup was trying to put in some effort and that him asking for 'lessons' was a smart way to continue to see me more by asking for more 'lessons'.

i'm not sure if i believe him. then again, he is a guy...

i guess i still can't tell if the meeting ups with my family friend's setup are with purely platonic intentions or bordering on the maybe future not quite platonic kind.

a dating 'process'

it has been a busy weekend...

on saturday i met up with shy (now ex) colleague. a few weeks ago he had just gotten back from a 2-week holiday in europe and i was eager to see his pictures and catch up with him. we had a really great time. despite our 6-year difference, we get along amazingly well. i think that if there wasn't such a large age difference and that we liked each other romantically, i would have definitely considered him.

yesterday i met up with poet guy. he came to meet me with 3 stalks of purple roses. it was quite a surprise. and admittedly a lil overwhelming. we've talked online quite a lot but somehow face to face we didn't quite hit it off. maybe 'coz i felt zero attraction for him and there just wasn't any chemistry. he wasn't eloquent (and that is rather important to me) and he wasn't attractive either. whenever he touched my arm lightly i would have this urge to jump a distance away. we watched a movie (which thankfully spared us 2 hours of having to make smalltalk) and had dinner. by 9pm i decided to use the excuse that i was under the weather the day before (well it's the truth) and said i wanted to head on home to rest early. i kinda feel bad... he seems like a nice guy... a lil overwhelming but a nice enough guy i guess... but i think we should just be online friends.

in other news the french banterer has booked me for 14 aug and invited me to a concert by a rather famous singer. i have a feeling it's sorta like my birthday treat from him.

the random guy from my friend's wedding has continued to text me everday. that would make it over a week since we first got to know each other. he asked me out to party on saturday night but i just wasn't feeling up to it. and he texted me later in the early morning to find out if i was hanging out somewhere else.

as for my family friend's setup, i kinda like him... but i think that if i'm gonna continue to do so, he really needs to step up his game and start impressing. i mean we go dutch. and if he drives me to work, i'll have to buy him lunch. i'm not materialistic but i don't view that as coming from a guy who is interested in a girl. which then leads me to think that perhaps he's just not interested. and that means i really need to reel back any feelings i have and move on. it's best for me.

bad dates, guys you're giving a chance even if you're not sure if there's a future, guys you're not even sure if you should give a chance to, guys you like but aren't sure if they like you back...

gosh dating can really be hard...

****

my not-so-platonic ex-friend came back online. and it really made me smile. it was so good to know that he came back to talk to me bout his bad day. i'm not sure if this means he'll be back again but it was nice to have him back even only for a while...

shy colleague's farewell party

friday was shy colleague's (well now he's really shy ex-colleague) last day at my former workplace. but 'coz i'm close to him (and still have many fond memories of my former workplace), i was invited down for his farewell party at a club.

it was so great to see familiar faces. some of who i've really missed. but what i didn't count on was the navy colleague (who now really is the navy ex-colleague since neither one of us are in that company anymore) being there as well.

it's a pity that i wasn't feeling the club music too much which meant that i didn't really dance a whole lot. my protege (the 20 year old girl who replaced me) however turned out to be a dancing queen and a surprisingly real wild child. she and the navy colleague did have quite a bit of fun. but the navy colleague being the player that he is isn't exactly satisfied with just her. he had a field time flirting with her friend, another colleague and me as well. in fact at one point our faces were bout an inch apart and he even kissed my foot.

shy colleague and i were also a lot more friendly touchy feely with a few hugs. it's not a big deal to me 'coz really i'm the all huggy-veggy type. but to shy colleague who is well...shy... i suppose a few hugs was quite a lot for him as it is.

it may not have been the best party night out but it was just so good to see 'em ex-colleagues again. i think despite me leaving the company, a part of me never really left at all...

****

so bout the supposed 'date' on saturday with the guy i got to know from an online dating site... well that never happened...

i didn't hear from him so i texted him to ask if we were still on. yeah apparently i don't like that limbo feeling of not quite knowing my plans. he replied that he was having dinner with his friends and asked that if we could meet another day instead.

seriously i would have much appreciated if he had told me beforehand if he couldn't make it rather than have to let me check back in with him. if he wants to meet me, he'll have to ask again 'coz this girl is so not bothering.

what's worse is that tonight i saw him online and he didn't even IM me to mention anything bout him cancelling out.

****

in other news, my london guy friend is back in town for 2 weeks. since last oct we haven't really kept in touch at all. then recently i saw from his IM name that he was coming back and left him a message. he called me today and we made plans to meet up next week. we'll see if this time it's a case of us getting along really well or just not clicking at all. anyhow it's all platonic. he has a girlfriend back in london and i'm no longer interested as i was last summer.

trying to keep unaffected...

it's been kinda a crazy time lately. what with exams and a stressful and fast paced new job. i guess i kinda went a lil crazy this weekend...

friday night i was just chilling out in the cozy hole-in-the-wall bar with my party girl and the yummy mommy. the bartender aka dj guy and i were joking around a lil as usual. the yummy mommy and the female bartender actually asked me if i liked him. i found out that he's single again. we've always had some kind of chemistry and sometimes it feels like something could go on but maybe it won't ever will. that said, at times i feel like i should just straight up tell him to kiss me already so i don't have to keep wondering what it might be like.

that night i ran into scottish cat man. now that's one guy that i haven't seen in absolutely ages. in fact i was so shocked to see him. but we reconnected again and after turning down his impromptu offer to go over to his place on saturday night, i met up with him for a quick cuppa on sunday night. we're supposed to meet up for dinner some time this week. will see how that goes. but so far he's been texting me everyday since friday.

on saturday night, my party girl, the yummy mommy and i met up with a few other friends to play pool and have a drink. feeling annoyed that the youngest one didn't reply to my text, i decided to text the aussie podiatrist. we wound up joining him and his friends in another club. that's where things got a lil strange and confusing...

my party girl and the aussie podiatrist got along really well. maybe too well... i'm not sure how i feel bout it. in between their conversation, he and i managed to have a bit of a play fight which left me with a bruise on my wrist. that turned into a kissing session. he's not a bad kisser but he's not the best either. but it was fun that he's a playful kisser. though it's hard not to, i keep telling myself that i can't afford to think that this means anything. afterall he didn't contact me again. and after i left he went with my party girl to another bar so i'm not sure what happened there. it's not that i necessarily mind my friends getting along with a guy i like but if i'm honest i admit that it was a lil weird for me that my party girl and the aussie podiatrist got along that well. i don't know...

i think maybe the whole prick04 and my oldest school friend drama kinda affected me more than i realised. or at least i'm less over it then i thought i was. but i suppose at least this time i'm more open in saying something. so even though i was tempted to just pretend everything was okay, i didn't. and kinda brought up the subject to my party girl rather hesitantly. i didn't say much. just outlined why sometimes i feel weird. i'm not sure what will happen but this much i know... i'm getting scared 'coz i think i'm liking the aussie podiatrist too much...

and the youngest one never did reply to me. i should have let it go, be done with it. but 'coz today is his 21st birthday i decided to IM him. apparently he was drunk by the time i texted on saturday and spent the whole weekend hungover. well i told myself i'm done here. i probably am.

thankfully one of the funniest things was when shy colleague and i went to watch a movie. when we were buying the tickets, the lady at the ticket counter asked if we wanted a couple seat. there was a beat of silence as we were both stunned for a moment then i couldn't quite stop giggling.

and of 'coz there was this whole banana cake incident with someone...

i saw him while he was selling some stuff for a fund raising event. he was promoting his mom's banana cake. of 'coz i had to buy some. and they were yummy. so i texted him joking that he should learn to bake. he then suggested that i go learn from his mom. of 'coz i was like yeah. i mean like duh right? he said that he'll see if he could get a few other interested people. i didn't dare say that i would even go alone. anyhow i'm not holding my breath. at least i'm trying not to.

this is hard. suddenly everything in my life seems so hard...

endings

yesterday was my last day in my job. and i don't think anyone has ever had more people in their farewell lunch or more farewell parties as i had.

after work, my (now ex) boss man, 2 other colleagues and i went to a wine place where we had a few glasses of sparkling wine and some finger food. later everyone else went on their way so i made my way to the cozy hole-in-the-wall bar to wait to join some other colleagues in a party session.

it was kinda crazy in the bar. just a few of us regulars but a whole lotta shots. the bartender aka dj guy was there of 'coz. and another guy was trying to fix us up. trying to get me to admit that i liked dj guy. i pleaded the fifth of 'coz. admittedly i am attracted to him and do feel that there's that certain something going on but do i actually like like him? i don't know...

anyhow i wasn't intending to mention anything bout sunday... but in the end i wound up saying to dj guy something like "you were supposed to call me yesterday weren't you..." his response was how he was sleeping the day away, totally dead to the world and missed like 23 calls. but no mention of the plans we supposedly had and no apology.

that said, we were pretty darn huggy the entire time i was there. and before i left to meet my colleagues he told me to let him know when i was done as he may be closing the bar early.

the partying time with my colleagues was great as usual. even though the group shrank drastically to just shy colleague and 2 other colleagues one of whom i'm somewhat close to and would dearly love to maintain and increase that closeness despite me leaving.

we ended it really early at bout 1am. so i decided to text dj guy. he didn't respond. which wasn't that big a deal for me 'coz i get the night life and working in the night life mustn't be easy. but i don't get it when he doesn't respond at all. not even the next day.

anyhow shy colleague sent me home and even walked me to my doorstep. he's really a great guy. i think he's got it. that sweet, caring quality that girls would love. i mean this sweetheart left me a farewell card in my pigeon hole in the mailing room of the office. it was such a surprise. and the card moved me to tears. but we're platonic... and i don't think we would ever be anything else...

as for all the other guys i meet who just can't seem to treat me right... i really need to be done with 'em. that's the sane thing to do. of 'coz sometimes it seems like i'm rarely sane and far more masochistic and self destructive.

platonic?

i'm not entirely sure what's going on... but sometimes it feels like something is going on.

shy colleague and i have been getting on fabulously as usual. we IM almost all day at work, and then again at night. we talk bout anything and everything and with no apparent sign of the conversation letting up. he has this way of calming me down and making me feel i'm not an irrational idiot even if i feel like i'm being irrational and an emotional sap.

but that's just it right? all platonic?

we've always been open in our conversations as in we'd talk bout relationships and sex. but lately it's been becoming even more open... and more sex related.

no. we're not having cyber sex haha! but we've discussed our views on porn, oral sex, one night stands and friends with benefits. and our talks are laced with cheeky inneundoes. he makes it known that he thinks i'm a hot babe. and i tell him that he's a nice guy that girls need more of.

but that's just it right? all platonic?

except that he jokingly volunteers to cuddle under the blankets with me and says nights with me will be tiring.

i don't know... but i'm just not gonna think this too much. afterall there's still a 6-year age gap (he's younger... of 'coz haha!) and he's supposed to be really liking this girl he's sorta seeing unofficially. and i'm... well i'm just being me...

oh so natural

when i was watching because i said so, i was immediately drawn to the musician guy as opposed to the rich and successful guy that the mom wanted to fix her daughter up with. later shy colleague asked me why.

well the standard answer would have been 'coz i just found the musician cuter. but beyond that it wasn't just his looks that attracted me but his personality.

it was then that i realised that it was bout that one word... natural.

the musician guy seemed so natural compared to the rich and successful guy who was too smooth and too suave. and i realised that it wasn't just movie characters but it was also evident in the real life guys i've liked.

i've always said before that the reason why i was attracted to cutie classmate was 'coz he had a very natural air bout him. he just seemed like he was comfy in his own skin and being his own person.

someone has also always been open and unpretentious. even to the point of lounging around and being absolutely comfy with my parents upon first meeting. he was just him. and that was what i liked bout him.

i like that feeling where i feel that the guy seems real, like he's not hiding some deep dark secret. that what i see is what i get. that's he comfy enough with me not to have to pretend. it makes me feel a lot more at ease. and that makes me more natural as well.

easter weekend with guy friends

easter weekend proved to be pretty boring.

the most exciting thing that happened to me was probably on thursday night. shy colleague and i headed out for a quick dinner and then a movie. it's the first time we've actually hung out socially as opposed to our very many open conversations via IM. it was a nice time.

later i met up with a guy friend i hadn't seen in years and joined him and 3 of his guy friends for a drink. i asked shy colleague along as well but he wasn't up for drinking. i wasn't too bothered bout being the only girl among 4 guys. in some ways i've always been comfy in an all-guys company. it wound to be a rather chill out time which was good since i really wasn't looking to have any crazy fun.

on good friday my family and my friend's family met up. now this is an interesting story...

i got to know this guy friend of mine through camp when we were 14. back then i think we both kinda liked each other but both of us too shy to do anything bout it. time passed and i reckon we got over it but still maintained as friends even though we didn't keep in touch as much.

along the way our moms happened to get to know each other. neither of 'em knowing that their kids were friends. until they started talking more and my mom started getting this suspicious feeling. it was the funniest thing ever. so then our 2 families started meeting up occasionally. soon after he left for college in arizona. it was then that i just bout entirely lost contact with him. he was the worst email correspondent ever and i only met up with him once when he came back home for the holidays 'coz his mom happened to mention it to my mom.

but now he's back for good. it was kinda strange seeing him again. but at the same time nice to catch up a lil. i'm hoping that soon we'll get to meet up without the parentals and catch up proper.

my dad however is massively excited.

"would you consider *insert my guy friend's name*?" my dad asks.
"he has a girlfriend," i reply, giving my dad a look.

"your dad said that you would consider *insert my guy friend's name*," my mom said a few days later.
"i said that he has a girlfriend," i repeated.

apparently my parents are so excited bout any prospective guy that they kinda forget that the guy actually has a girlfriend even though she is back in arizona.

but truth be told, my guy friend is a pretty good catch. he's nice and we get along. i even like his family. and he's cute too. but i'm just kinda not into psyching myself up for something that in all probability won't happen 'coz he doesn't seem into me.

and that's the rule i really have to remember. even as i haven't seen any action in a long long time. even as talking to shy colleague makes me think more bout why i'm the way i am and makes me wonder if there's something really wrong with me such that trying to find guys to 'date' is so hard.

but i'm restless and looking for complications. which isn't a good thing. 'coz as per murphy's law, that just means i don't get what i'm looking for.

and sadly i keep going back to think of the youngest one or the aussie podiatrist. i really need someone new... but i fear i've lost whatever mojo i might have ever had...

friday fun

on friday i went out partying with my colleagues. it was somewhat different from what i'm used to with my party girls. but a nice difference. it was good to hang out with a bunch of people and getting up to crazy antics just all within the group instead of all that random pickups. i would love to do this more often but maybe i won't get the chance to in future?

so in one drinking game we played, i lost and as a pre-arranged forteit for the loser, i had to kiss shy colleague... on the cheek of 'coz, 'coz we're playing it safe. he got pretty nervous and really even though it's not a big deal to me, i didn't wanna appear all forward. i suppose with colleagues there's still a certain 'reputation' i have to maintain. in the end i was kinda like heck it and just grabbed him and gave him a loud smack on the cheek. there. over and done with.

i think that night a few of the crazier people really brought out and taught shy colleague a lotta things. he's just not used to this kind of lifestyle. 'coz we're friends i just had to make sure that he was okay... especially since i think he had more than his usual share of drinks...

jo: hey you're okay right?
shy colleague: haha i'm fine thank you! very much safe!
jo: haha! okay... hope you had fun... and didn't get too traumatised...
shy colleague: yup haha but i'm always bullied hehe! but fun.. and i got a kiss from the hot babe oh my..

on a separate note... i obviously didn't learn from my mistake and keep my phone away from me.

the day before i chatted with the youngest one over IM and he said that he would be home on friday night 'coz lately he's just been feeling lazy. for some reason i decided to make sure...

jo: so are you really home? haha!
the youngest one: yup at home
jo: haha! i can't believe it. it's like i don't know you anymore haha!

and that was it.

sometimes i can't believe myself.

now what i've done is to put symbols in front of his phone number so that even though his number is still there in my phone, i won't be able to contact him without having to delete those symbols first. and i'm hoping that in a tipsy state, that will be harder to do and eventually i won't even bother.

well i suppose at least i excersied restraint when it came to the aussie podiatrist. 'coz seriously i was this close to texting him. but hey i figured i had already called him the other night. and he didn't get back to me on whether he was going to be out of town this weekend or not.

i really hate all of this. i don't wanna be emotionally attached. no more trying for me.

mutual murder

jo: you know i was thinking that at some point i may have to kill you haha!
shy colleague: kill me? why?
jo: 'coz you know too much
shy colleague: haha
shy colleague: about?
jo: about me
shy colleague: really? i do?
jo: yeah!
jo: some of my closest friends don't even know as much
jo: besides my best friend...
jo: i'm a pretty private person
shy colleague: haha
shy colleague: cool
shy colleague: actually i should kill u too!
jo: haha! really?
shy colleague: yes!
shy colleague: i don't really tell anyone
shy colleague: that's why i was like omg!
shy colleague: i can't believe i'm saying all these
jo: hahaha! must be me
jo: but yeah likewise for me
jo: normally i don't tell anyone stuff like that
jo: and as i'm saying i'm like thinking oh gosh jo shut up hahaha!

shy colleague and i have been back to our crazy IMing ways. at work, at our personal IMs... we just keep on IMing and IMing. and each time more and more personal life stories are spilling out...

he makes it clear that he thinks i'm hot and am definitely his type. though he's currently interested in a girl that he's been casually seeing for the last 2 years. as for me, i'm enjoying this new found friendship with him. while i've had guy friends who i even once considered to be pretty close, i've never quite had the kind of friendship with a guy where i just feel so comfy sharing stories with. and with shy colleague, a fair number of stories has already been shared...

an angel on one shoulder and a devil on the other

waay back in the days when i actually thought that prick04 was a nice guy trying his best to pursue me, i had actually wondered that between someone and prick04, who would i choose. of 'coz back then it was probably already silly since someone never expressed any real interest even though truth be told i always preferred him to prick04. of 'coz now i know that prick04 is a real prick and wouldn't choose him even if he were the last person on earth. but i remember back then thinking bout how someone was like an angel on my shoulder while prick04 was like a devil on the other shoulder. someone always managed to inspire me to be a better person. whereas prick04 always seemed to bring out the 'bad girl' side of me.

forward to now... and i find myself in yet another similar situation...

recently i've been talking to two 21 year old guys. i have no idea why i'm suddenly meeting and getting along with these young ones. shy colleague and i have been steadily talking via work IM for practically the entire time we're at work. sure we still do our work effectively, but that's still a whole lotta conversation. the youngest one and i don't talk as much but we still have our fair share of IMs, texts and late night phone conversations (after we make out for an entire night that is).

but these two 21 year olds couldn't be more different.

shy colleague is a real nice guy. shy and innocent though wacky at times. someone surprisingly mature and level-headed who i can have pretty deep conversations with and shares similar views as i do. he flatters me and somehow makes me feel secure, as though i have the 'upper hand'.

the youngest one however is a bad boy biker type. a nocturnal person who likes to sleep from 7am to 7pm and hangs out with his friends in the middle of the night. he's experienced and almost cocky though occasionally showcases a certain 'never quite grew up' quality that's kinda endearing. he kinda gives me a run for my money 'coz i never quite know what he's thinking. he's asked me out twice but both times cancelled out on me 'coz he was too tired. he's told me twice that he likes me and thinks i'm pretty, but he had been drinking then and besides that was before we even kissed. does kissing change things? does it mean anything more that he keeps kissing me? i think he knows the effect his kisses have on me. 'coz most dangerous of all he possesses great making out abilities and makes me realise why some people might choose to have friends with benefits.

an angel. and a devil.

not that either of 'em are actively pursuing me. and not that i'm even really considering either of 'em. but this time, it might be different... i have a feeling that if it would have come down to it, i would have picked the youngest one. 'coz somehow that draw is just too strong... it's like this raw primal need...

i suppose girls always like a lil bad boy in their guys...

then again if it were between someone and the youngest one. someone would win hands down. no contest.

which probably proves that while girls like the bad boys, what we really want is the good guy.

or maybe the fact that i would even think it were to be between someone and the youngest one could mean that i just like and want someone i can't have.

the office 'romance'

"hey, come over here" the new accountant beckoned me over in hushed tones with a wave of his hand and an air of secrecy.

i scooted over to him wondering what was the big secret.

"are you interested in my temp guy (that would be shy colleague)?" the new accountant inquired.

"wh..what???" i could hardly contain my shock and surprise. "why are you asking me this?"

"'coz you guys are IMing each other" he stated matter of factly. "i just want to know how you guys are progressing."

"progressing?" i still couldn't quite process everything the new accountant was saying. i felt like back in those school days again with all those rumours. "why are asking me and not him?"

"'coz you're more likely to give an honest answer" he replied. "he's younger than you right?"

"yeah..." then i added "but we're just friends..."

and 'coz shy colleague and i are friends, i clued him in on this and this was what he had to say...

shy colleague: LOL!!!
shy colleague: ok
shy colleague: you shall be my office gf
shy colleague: he does know our age diff
shy colleague: lucky only he feels this way
shy colleague: so it's not bad
jo: haha!
jo: as it is my friends laugh at me for being a cradle snatcher
shy colleague: not bad... rumoured with one of the office's babes
shy colleague: but rumours are bad... how could such a thing happen? you better convince him haha
jo: i think if i try, it's going to be worse
shy colleague: well then just let that crazy idea die down on it's own
jo: yeah... anyhow it's not like we're doing anything wrong. so whatever

well overall i think it went well... i'm hoping this won't make things weird for shy colleague and me. then again he may be 6 years younger, shy and innocent, but neither he nor i are still in those school days.

intimidatingly single

shy colleague: you? single?
jo: haha! yeah
shy colleague: that's a bit shocking
jo: yeah well you're not the first one
shy colleague: omg
shy colleague: either 1. you're so funky that you don't want a guy
shy colleague: 2. freedom forever
shy colleague: 3. you're just not straight
jo: hahaha! i'm definitely straight
shy colleague: or 4. guys get scared by the hair
jo: well it might be #4... but it's not the hair
jo: i've gotten told by a few people that men find me intimidating
shy colleague: it's a bit true

my worst fears has once again been proven... that somehow i manage to intimidate men. i promise i'm not trying. but apparently just being me is enough.

shy colleague: if i was your bf, i'd be afraid. like always on my toes
jo: really? why?
shy colleague: cause you're definitely one of the better lookers around
jo: aww thanks
shy colleague: and you're nice
shy colleague: so that means many guys would want you too
shy colleague: you know guys are very selfish creatures
jo: but i'm not the cheating kind
shy colleague: in summary, too good to be true
shy colleague: and wait, you're smart too!
jo: but i'm really not that scary. seriously!

to be honest this scares me a lil.

usually no one can ever believe that i'm single. apparently i'm a good catch and have too much going for me to be untaken. while that's flattering, it's not exactly good news. 'coz if everyone thinks i'm taken, then who's actually gonna take me?

and i can't deny that at times i've even considered what it would be like if i was more quiet, mainstream, 'normal'. whatever it is to be less intimidating. but that said, that wouldn't be true to myself. and besides how long could i keep up such pretenses.

i suppose i can only hope that in some weird way it's a good thing 'coz it means that whoever it is that i eventually wind up with had the guts to see past the so-called intimidation and into the really not-so-scary me.

IM progression

lately the 21 year old shy guy colleague of mine and i have been chatting a lot on IM. in fact one particularly long and very active conversation via our personal IM left us almost unable to wake up the next morning for work.

he's rather curious bout me and asks a lot of questions and for some reason, i'm comfy enough to tell him stuff that i may not neccessarily say to someone that early in a friendship. but we're on the same page on a lot of stuff including relationships.

it's beginning to be rather evident that there's some fascination with me. he kept telling me that i was the coolest girl he ever met and he shared that his first impression of me when he saw me wearing trainers and with my outrageous hair was that i was different and had personality. he then said that when he saw me in heels the next day he was shocked. he was surprised that my dressing style kept changing. and then my interest in fitness further surprised him.

for a shy guy i think he's pretty good at the flattery thing. he told me that he thought i was good-looking, that i will attract a lot of guys' attention in the clubs and that a lot of 'em will approach me. he even said that if i was more aloof and less friendly, he would have mistaken me for a model. i'm quite sure he's kidding... or hasn't seen many girls before. he also said other stuff that made me think which i'll share later in another post.

i'm really glad that i got the chance to get to know him better. he's not as quiet as i initially thought he was. i suppose when he met the right person to talk to (and since i can probably talk to cardboard paper haha!), he could just be super chatty.

the office boys

us working people spend an average of 8 hours a day at work. that comes up to 40 hours a week. 160 hours a month. 1,920 hours a year. basically that's a whole lotta time. nearly a third of our life. i guess it makes sense that most people try and be friendly during work 'coz talking shop for a third of our life would be so tiresome.

in the last 2 years my office has seen many young men going in and out of the company. since the departure of both my closest colleagues last june, i haven't really had any female colleagues that i could bond with. instead i wound up getting pretty friendly with my guy (now ex) colleague and the new accountant. there's absolutely nothing there. it's just that we get along platonically.

and lately there has been even more office boys to chat with...

a new temporary replacement for my guy (now ex) colleague came in the form of a 21 year old shy guy. initially he was so shy that he would be sitting quietly while the rest of us were laughing away at our lunch table. i tried to be friendly and ask him some questions but he would give short quiet answers or go red in the face. recently he's been getting more comfy. so comfy such that he's been initiating non-work related IM conversations on the office IM. and he told me that he talked bout me to his friend, telling his friend that there was a 'funky lady in his office'. he keeps 'quizzing' me bout myself that it's almost like he's on a "know jo" mission. yes, apparently i must be a source of fascination for the young ones.

then there's the young IT guy who i've been getting pretty friendly with lately. he was always nice to talk to but we never seemed to have any real connection until one day when an extended conversation on lilo and stitch had me nicknaming him stitch. and after my surgery, he gave me the same nickname 'coz i had stitches. once again there's absolutely nothing there. he's got a girlfriend and i'm not interested. he's just got a great sense of humour which makes him really fun to talk to.

so yesterday i was over at stitch's workspace sharing some food (i was sharing all around the office) and we were having a lil chat bout working out. when suddenly the guy in front of him (a cute guy possibly younger than me) asked me if i was into triathlons. i was kinda taken aback. i think partly 'coz i've only talked to that guy perhaps once, the time when i noticed his italian football team jacket and we chatted bout our mutual support for the italian team. and partly 'coz it's not exactly a common occurence for someone to ask if someone else is into triathlons. so i shared with him my interest. while he's not into triathlons, he was once in the navy and hence (in my conclusion) pretty athletic. my boss man chose to come by at that precise moment and ask me bout the time when i took rollerblading lessons. that further shocked the navy colleague. and he started quizzing me on what other sport related activities i've tried. he asked if i was interested in diving (i mean he was a diver in the navy) and while i've tried it before, i'm not exceptionally interested, but i'm definitely open to it again. i guess he was toying with the idea of getting a few people together to go diving. he kept saying how he hasn't worked out in a while so i thought it polite to ask him what did he do in his free time. he said that he partied. stitch immediately chimed in that i partied as well. the navy colleague seemed surprised and said that perhaps one day he'd ask me along. i just had the feeling that our conversation left him utterly surprised. i wonder if we'll have more conversations 'coz he seems pretty nice... and he's a cutie too.

i'm definitely a people person and i love getting to know people. all these lil conversations in the office just help make the work day a whole lot more fun and go by a lot faster.