Sunday, April 29, 2007


this weekend has been one of epiphanies.

i think that maybe i'm starting to see the youngest one more and more clearly. for one, he's not very encouraging or reassuring. and i think he has a limited range of interest which by comparison makes me seem like i have loads more interests. and he doesn't understand that. maybe he's too young. or maybe he just can't comprehend anything beyond himself.

but what's most annoying of all is that he can't seem to make any future plans and actually keep to 'em. i can't trust his word.

it's sad to realise that perhaps i've reached a point where i don't trust the word of many guys.

yesterday i was home at night when i decided to text the aussie podiatrist 'coz he had mentioned last week bout perhaps meeting up this week. turns out he was at a work event and said that he would be heading out later and would give me a call. well he didn't. though i didn't really mind spending a quiet night at home 'coz of the previous night.

friday was a pretty busy day. my party girl and i went for a film festival event. and then we headed over to the cozy hole-in-the-wall bar that we usually frequent. it was a pretty nice chill out time which seems to be what i've been preferring lately. though i had a fair bit to drink. before i left, i said goodbye to the bartender aka dj guy. as we leaned in for our usual cheek kiss, he asked why i only texted him once last week. and then he asked if i was free on sunday to meet up. i said i was and asked him to contact me later. to be nice, later when i reached home i texted him joking bout how now he can't say i only texted him once. he never replied. all well and good but come today, i didn't hear from him at all either. and i wasn't bout to contact him to ask.

i guess i just wished that i meant enough to any of these guys for 'em to at least remember what they said to me, what they promised. i would have. even as friends.

the worst thing is a part of me was perhaps expecting it. i think along the way i've just learnt not to trust. or maybe i was just trying to lower my expectations so i wouldn't get disappointed. sometimes i worry that if i don't trust guys maybe i won't ever meet that amazing guy for me. but at the same time i can't help but approach with caution. especially since i seem to get proven time and time again why i shouldn't trust a guy.

i'm just really tired of this all...

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