Thursday, September 18, 2008

can someone just tell me what do i really feel?

sometimes i wonder if the plucking of the rose petals as you chant “he loves me, he loves me not” was more out of frustration as opposed to actually trying to decide…

but besides the frustration of not knowing or being unable to tell if he loves you or he loves you not (in this case we’d just settle for like first…), i realised that it’s equally frustrating when you’re not sure yourself if you like him or you like him not.

that’s kinda what i’ve been wondering bout drummer boy. sure sometimes i’m unable to tell if he likes me or not. but just as importantly i’ve been trying to figure out if i like him or not. okay don’t get me wrong… i do like him. at least in some kind of way. my feelings are real. but i’m not sure if i really really like him. ‘coz then that would determine how much i would be willing to try and make the effort.

i’ve long said that drummer boy is “wrong on paper”… he never really possessed the qualities that i usually find attractive in a guy. and yet there was still something bout him. i did a mental pros and cons list but it just didn’t add up. and yet he somehow managed to worm his way into my heart. but now that things are kinda all uncertain and rocky, i’m wondering if i like him ‘coz he liked me (or maybe it’s those darn hormones…) or that i like him ‘coz i can’t seem to have him.

if any of that is the case, then shouldn’t it be better if i just give up and moved on now? without all the trying and effort or the talking on my part. maybe just send a silent “thank you” that he made it “easier” for me to decide.

or have i really somehow “fallen” for a guy who is “wrong on paper”?



At 7:28 PM, Blogger Please Don't Eat With Your Mouth Open said...

You're only interested because he's not.

Read your blog back from when you first met him to now. You only started getting bothered about him when he started backing off.

Same happened to me with a guy at uni. I made a tit out of myself chasing him for ages when I wasn't really that into him in the first place. He certainly wasn't into me in the end, anyway. Boys are confusing, but they're not that ambiguous!

At 7:43 PM, Blogger jo said...

hmm that may be partly true... but i was always kinda interested even when he wasn't backing off. i didn't choose to define it 'coz i need time "warm up" and he's kinda "wrong on paper"...

that said, i can relate to liking guys who aren't that into you...

At 10:12 PM, Blogger Jade said...

It's true...women are always attracted to men they can't have and men who are "bad" for them.

Why? It's an eternal question that has been torn apart during many girls nights and martinis...yet never solved. It's a good think there's still vodka left in this world ;)

I don't think you should count him out quite yet. He might surprise you. You never know.

At 7:14 AM, Blogger SaneAndSingle said...

Hmm...I wish I knew the answer for you! I've been in that situation. But if you aren't really sure, then you probably don't like him for the right reasons. At least that's how I would go about it.

At 12:17 PM, Anonymous girlwhogotbored said...

I really can't tell you much about this. Most of the guys that are "wrong on paper" i have liked, I have never moved beyond casually making out with. Although currently I am attracted to someone not quite my type, it is difficult to imagine how things would go for me. I guess you should just take some time alone and think about this.


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