the dreamscape heart

granted i've been upset bout the drummer boy situation for a quite a long while now... but i'm not sure if i ever actually cried... until today.

last night i had a dream. sometimes my dreams mean nothing at all. and other times they mean everything in the world.

i dreamt that drummer boy was holding me close. and after he kissed me, i couldn't help but feel the tears roll down my cheeks. he tenderly wiped those tears away as his own tears fell. i wiped his tears away and stared into his eyes. he pulled me even closer and whipsered...

drummer boy: if we start over again will you promise not to break my heart

i got all choked up as i struggled out the words...

jo: if we don't start over again you will break my heart

and i woke up. with that feeling that my heart was already broken.

i was listless for the rest of the day.

it might be unfair but i "blame" him. "blame" him for being so sweet and nice initially and making me fall for him. "blame" him for giving me a taste of how nice a proper relationship could be. "blame" him for making me wish now possibly more than ever to be in a proper relationship. and then rudely taking it all away without a reason at all.

he's breaking my heart. and the pain of it all is practically killing me.

and that's when the tears started to fall for real... and it was hard to stop...