a day with the past

especially in the last month, i've been nothing like my supposedly usual borderline alcoholic self. nothing wrong with that. i suppose recently i've entered into a phase. a phase of settling down. a phase of which i fully blame drummer boy for making me want that and then suddenly taking it away.

but come wednesdays and i tend to feel a lil in need of some mid-week drinking. especially when it's ladies night in many bars and there are free drinks galore for all the ladies in the house.

it was just one of those wednesdays. i knew that i had been exceptionally boring for the last few weeks and really needed to get my fun on... even if my fun was really just chilling out in the bar and taking it really easy. somehow i managed to convince my party girl to head down to cozy hole-in-the-wall bar for a few drinks.

as i made my way there from my workplace, who should i run into in the train but the ad-man. we did manage to have some kind of a relatively nice chat where he told me that he might be heading back to canada for good in a few month's time. he also said that it was his birthday the following day and that he was meeting up with some friends to celebrate.

i knew it was his birthday the next day. and just over 2 months ago i would have definitely wished him. but given everything that has happened, including my high suspicions that he has blocked me from seeing him on IM and that he's online dating up a storm, i had no intentions of wishing him. but of 'coz that was before i found myself face to face with him. so i wished him before we parted ways.

it was nice to chill out in cozy hole-in-the-wall bar. nothing exciting at all. but kinda nice all the same. i saw the younger brother of my friend who owns cozy hole-in-the-wall bar... the one i kissed on my birthday. actually i had to be reminded by my party girl who he was. so apparently i don't quite remember what he looks like... but even when i'm sober, i still find him kinda cute. we chatted for a short while. obviously he remembers me more than i remember him but nothing happened there.

at least that was better than the other guy i totally forgot. he actually came up to me and asked if i remembered him. i didn't. but subsequently there were lil jolts in my memory. it confirmed it for me when i found out that he's aussie and works in the golf industry.

yeah i kinda remember him... not a whole lot though... just that i remembered he was kinda touchy feely the other time i met him and i didn't really like him too much.

but the guy i do like? yeah well it's tough when for some reason my parentals just like to constantly ask bout drummer boy. even when they know full well that we're in a state of dire disconnect.

i can't even begin to describe the amount of self-control and willpower that i've been exercising. honestly half the time i think i'm fighting a losing battle in trying not to contact him. this is beyond hard. i keep wanting to cave in. but i know the "right" thing to do is to give him time and space or whatever. i guess i just can't get over the fact that he still hasn't mentioned a thing bout my email!