Friday, June 04, 2010

if it ain't broke, should we fix it?

i'll admit that i'm slightly "affected" after hearing bout my best friend's sister's recent breakup. it's always a bit sad to hear that a friend has broken up with a partner especially if they have been together for a relatively long time and even more so if you actually like said partner. it always makes me kinda pensive and think bout relationships in general.

in this case, i find myself wondering bout contentment. as previously mentioned, she and her boyfriend had a mutual breakup 'coz they both felt that they needed to date other people in order to know if they are ever meant to be together. as we were discussing this, i wondered out loud to her if the "if it ain't broke. don't fix it" theory stood.

she wasn't unhappy in her relationship. if anything, they've always looked happy. granted they had their ups and downs (and at least one down of which i fully acknowledge that she was at fault) and yes, he seemed to have one of those mothers who was unhappy at any other girl "taking her son away" from her and hence did not seem to particularly fancy my best friend's sister. but there were reasons why i saw that relationship work for them.

it wasn't broke. so why fix it? did they have to break it to fix it? i don't know.

admittedly they are both young at 22 years old. perhaps way too young at this stage of their lifes to think bout happily ever after. but i don't see why they even necessarily have to though i also see the viewpoint that if they weren't meant to be then they have "wasted their youth".

i started wondering bout contentment vs settling. i've always told myself that i'm not the type to just settle. which is evident in the fact that i took a whopping 29 years to get attached to anyone at all. did i find my true happiness? or did i just finally give in to settling? that's not to say that i'm unhappy but just being honest in that the alpha boy has his own flaws which sometimes bug me to no end. but that's life isn't it? and sometimes i think you gotta be contented with what you have as long as you aren't unhappy. 'coz if you're not, you could find yourself perpetually wondering what's out there and if what's out there is better. it may be. but it's as likely to just not be either.

i IMed with the alpha boy briefly on the whole contentment vs settling thought. and he, the ever pragmatic and blunt one, said "settling is when your husband beats you, drinks but doesn't gamble". funny, but in some ways true i suppose.


At 2:15 PM, Blogger cheshirecat said...

As a nineteen year old who is sure to spend the rest of her life with my boyfriend (whom I officially refer to as my partner) I am sure in my heart that if we were to break up years from now, I would only see it as a waste if we were unhappy for some of that time. Like you said, these people are young and if it only took them, say, a few months to realise they were unhappy then nothing is wasted. Because they still love each other if they were willing to be honest and watch the other pursue happiness without them. That, I believe, is love at it's truest and will remain in their hearts forever.

At 4:53 PM, Blogger the Constantly Dramatic One said...

I totally understand about the whole feeling effected my a friend's break up.

One of my housemate used to date a chef and he was this really nice guy too. He used to come over and fed us all kinds of food. The man made pasta and doughnuts- from scratch!

Then they broke up.....and then no more homemade doughnuts. It was sad day for all of us.

Okay....fine. I admit that I miss him feeding me more then the actual guy but still....

At 6:29 PM, Blogger jo said...

the constantly dramatic one: hahaha! i love your story. yes, it would be a sad day indeed for me too if i were you :P

At 8:04 AM, Blogger Dater at Large said...

I have to argue that if someone doesn't know they want to be with someone - and wants to date other people to figure that out - then something IS broke in the relationship. Otherwise they wouldn't be searching for something else. Maybe they just need perspective, but if they were happy together they wouldn't be taking a break. IMHO, anyway.

At 9:48 AM, Blogger jo said...

dater at large: i totally agree with you. i think if you actually decide to tell your partner that you are considering seeing other people, the message is pretty clear. 'coz obviously you know that the risk is that you might lose that person forever. and if you're willing to take that risk then i think that means something is pretty wrong.

At 10:21 AM, Blogger Olivia Stephanie said...

Hi Jo,
Well i feel you also when you just get to know the person aswell you think or he was nice what was the means of the break up and will she ever find another that will make her as happy?, or should i help to find her that knight in shinning armour it goes without saying love is hard to find but cheering a friend or sister in my case up after a break up if it wasn't a mutal agreement is a tough cookie to take, just best to sit and listen to her for all the anger to disperse and then eat and party!:-)

At 10:09 PM, Anonymous First date only said...

I personally think that when you're in your early 20s, often you're too young to know for sure you want to be with someone forever. It takes awhile to know 100% who you are and what you want in life, and often I see people in relationships that started young grow apart (I'm only 26, by the way... but I do know a number of couples who got married at 21 or 22 and are now divorced).

At 9:39 AM, Blogger jo said...

first date only: i totally agree with you too. couples who got together young rarely stay together in the long term. probably 'coz who you are at 18 isn't necessarily quite the same as who you might be at say 28. it's times like these when i understand why some people think it's best not to get too coupled up at a young age. you might find yourself having dated over 7 years and feeling pressured to get married to this person.


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