someone's got a hold on my heart

i think i've gotten over someone... i'm not sure 'coz sometimes i really go back and forth on it. who am i kidding? i've been going back and forth for so long that i think at one point i just decided to stop fighting that i still have a thing for him and just be resigned to it.

well lately it's been kind of a 'yeah i think maybe we might not be suitable for each other afterall' and then sometimes deep inside i still think that it would be great if we were together. i'm a confused child.

but that doesn't stop me from constantly checking out his blog. afterall we're friends. well as much as friends who don't ever call nor IM much. the kind of friends who hardly ever contact. yep we're that sort of friends. and i'm just checking out his blog... as a friend. i'm a deluded soul.

usually his posts are either bout random funny stuff, simply gorgeous pics that he's taken or downright inspiring. but his recent entry showed a vulnerability that i hadn't really seen before. he admitted bout not putting that much effort in his dissertation and hence now having to pay for an extension of another semester to rewrite it.

at that moment my heart leapt outta my chest and went out to him.

deluded as i may be, i've always acknowledged that he had his faults. and somehow to have a guy 'fess up and admit to his mistake and face the music makes him all the more manly. now if only he'll 'fess up to the biggest 'fault' of all... not liking me back. a girl can only dream...

but heart, please come back... i can't afford to lose you again... and not to him... my 'friend'...