Friday, June 22, 2007

first time

recently i've been obsessed with lifehouse's new song first time. i've been playing it on repeat.

"looking at you i'm holding my breath, for once in my life i'm scared to death, i'm taking a chance letting you inside"

even as i bop happily while listening to the song... i realise that in some ways it's more than just a a song... i think a part of me is taking a chance. a part of my heart is opening up and it's really scary.

and scarier still, i realise that it's my family friend's setup that i'm thinking of... and possibly letting inside.

"like being in love with you for the first time"

i'm not in love. not even close to it. but it feels like for the first time in a while i met someone who i felt had a potential. the first time in a long while that i'm opening my heart.

and it's scaring me.

i don't wanna get hurt. it seems that everytime i open up my heart, i just wind up getting hurt. maybe in some way my heart has since decided to close for a while. and i don't wanna open up my heart too much especially when i have no idea how he feels. he's nice and all but all the same doesn't seem like totally interested and jumping to ask me out. and i just don't wanna get hurt.

i feel a part of me wanting to go back to my usual way of dealing with such uncertainty... that moment when i realise that i'm starting to like someone too much... the worry that usually makes me decide that i need someone new to help me stop liking that person that much...

but that would kinda defeat the whole purpose of an open heart right?

lifehouse sings it correctly... i'm scared to death...

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At 5:23 PM, Blogger MPA said...

Boy do I ever know this feeling. But I think there is only so much you can do to stop yourself from falling (other than making yourself like someone else), and so you might as well try to enjoy the process... And sounds like you don't fall very often (except for your mysterious friend... ) so maybe it's time to focus on the rewards rather than the risks. If you DO get hurt in the process, then at least make sure you have good friends to help you pick up the pieces! I believe a broken heart is better than a locked one...

At 2:13 PM, Blogger Heart Of Darkness said...

I love Lifehouse!

Right now I'm kinda obsessed with Snow Patrol though, you know, the ones with "Chasing Cars"?

Damn, I melt....!

At 10:44 PM, Blogger Scotty said...

There is definitely something to be said about letting someone 'in'. Often difficult to gauge how much at a time.. and when... good luck :)


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