a game of juggling

i have a feeling i'll be hiding my profile on the online dating site again soon... it's starting to get hard to manage and juggle again...

i've talked to a few new guys via IM, some seem nice enough, some i'm not sure bout and others i've blocked... and one where strangely enough we were at the exact same place having dinner last night. that was too weird.

this weekend was kinda strange in general i suppose...

on friday i met up with my party girl at the cozy hole-in-the-wall bar. we got the bartender aka dj guy to help order in some dinner for us and we settled down with our glasses of water. yes, you heard me. water. we didn't even start drinking till hours later. and we had one drink. and then i headed home really early. this is how my life is turning out. even on a supposed drinking friday night, i have one drink and call it an early night. well on the upside it was really good to talk to dj guy. i haven't had a chance to talk to him properly in ages. but this time we really had quite a good chat. and we were being all playful as usual. i still feel like something could go on but i know it will never happen. and i'm okay with it. i found out that he's into motorsports and drifting and i'm definitely going to sit in his car one day while he drifts. that should be fun.

i didn't go swimming on saturday. the rain put a damper on that. but my family friend's setup and i kinda made informal plans to swim next weekend. anyhow later on saturday night we met up for a group gathering at my family friend's house. it was pretty fun. the last time we were with the group we had just gotten introduced to each other. this time obviously it was different. 'coz i now know him better than anyone else (well except for my family friend). it was kinda interesting to see what it might be like if anything more happened between us and we hung out with the group. he was quite sweet though, sent me home, helped me to carry a pot (it was a potluck dinner) and walked me to my doorstep. and then texted me yesterday. hmm... maybe he's trying to step up some efforts?

but then again i'm confused in general...

things with the french banterer seemed to have suddenly take on a different spin. i might be forced to make a decision sooner than i expected or even wanted. i met up with him yesterday. given the tension from a few days ago i wasn't sure what to expect. but it just proved that we're just so much better face to face. later at night he IMed me. he said something like he wanted to know when he could officially date me. of 'coz he didn't say exactly that. instead he pretended that he had a friend who wanted some advice. kinda juvenile i know. but i went along with it.

but what is officially date? does that mean we're a couple? or is it just meeting up with the knowledge of mutual interest? i don't know...

i hate DTRs. my commitment phobic side doesn't like me to define the relationship. so i just told him not to think too much and just go with the flow. or rather i told him to tell his friend that. i'm not sure what's gonna happen.

i think i'm just not sure... and i can't help but feel that i still wanna keep my options open... or that perhaps at this point, the person who i feel the most for happens to be my family friend's setup.