sewing myself shut

so recently i talked bout opening my heart... barely 2 weeks later and it sorta feels like my heart is closing back up again.

it's like papa roach sings in scars...

"i tear my heart open, i sew myself shut"

somehow i've decided that i should reel back any feelings for my family friend's setup. i'm just not sure at this point if any good will come outta opening my heart too much and letting someone inside too fast.

but in true murphy's law he was the first one to IM me on tuesday... he was supposed to watch a movie with his friends last weekend but that didn't work out and he had a sneaky suspicion that the plan to watch together with his friends won't work out. so he asked if i wanted to watch it with him if his friends screwed him over.

so yes, i know i'm second best. plan b. though since i don't really have any concrete plans yet to watch the movie and i know that i want to catch it, i agreed. but told him that he had to let me know early 'coz if he was going ahead with his friends, i wanna have time to make my own plans too. he said that he'll let me know the next day.

wednesday came and there was no mention of the movie. i saw him online but i resisted the urge to be the first to IM him. he then actually IMed me but it was only a brief smalltalk. but basically i still have no idea bout the movie. i'm torn between wanting to ask him so that i can figure out my own plans and not asking him 'coz he was the one who was supposed to get back to me. he doesn't exactly strike me as an unrealiable person but i still wished he would have just told me what's the deal with the movie plan like he said he would...

yes, in some ways i feel myself sewing myself shut... even though i wished it didn't really have to be this way. sue me, self-preservation is kicking in...

****

so he comes online and is the first one to IM me. we had quite a chat on lunch but nothing on the movie. i was starting to really wonder what's the deal. he's 32 years old, not exactly the age to be beating around the bush.

but i held out.

and it paid off.

he finally mentioned the movie. i was beginning to think it almost funny to guess when he would actually bring it up.

so yeah now we're making plans to watch the movie next week...