the greatest mistake

this week seems to be just drama after drama after drama with dj guy. but there's a high chance that it will be the end of us as friday night brought about such a complicated situation that i would give anything to take it back.

anything.

i just bout did one of the worst things of my life. i made out with dj guy's best friend. and dj guy saw. now he won't talk to me. and i don't blame him. but it's breaking my heart...

perhaps i shall start from the beginning...

i had too much to drink. doesn't it always start off that way? initially dj guy's best friend and i had been chatting pretty well. absolutely platonic. nothing to it. though i've suspected that he might sorta like me.

as the night went on, i got a lil frisky as i normally do when i've had too much to drink. i already did the girl on girl joking around thing with the yummy mommy and another female friend. i probably jumped dj guy as well. he responded but had to work which was perfectly okay with me.

so then i decided to leave. somehow dj guy's best friend walks out with me and starts kissing me. i think when i'm drunk, my body reacts autopilot style. but my brain also kicked in at some points and i reminded him of his girlfriend and that the person i liked was dj guy. but he was drunk too. and to make matters worst it was more than just kissing.

to cut a long story short, dj guy came out of the bar and saw us. we weren't doing anything then but he must have suspected or whatever. he went back to the bar with his best friend and ignored my phone calls.

in the end i went back to the bar to try and explain. he wouldn't even talk to me or look at me. when he finally did, he looked close to tears and i saw the hurt and heartbreak in his eyes which absolutely killed me.

later he walked out in the pouring rain, i suppose to get away from me... i called and texted and he never answered except for once...

dj guy: which part of i don't have anything to say you don't get

that was when i decided to leave it... for now.

but i can't just leave it 'coz i realise now how much he means to me. and it breaks my heart that i hurt him. which is crazy 'coz we aren't even really together. and yet somehow both of us were near tears...

so in the end i called him again today. he rejected my call. and then called me back.

i was at a loss for words. i could only just say how very very sorry i am. he was distant. telling me he could turn it off pretty fast and that we're still friends.

one mistake. and i'm suffering the consequences of it. i couldn't even get to tell him how much he means to me...