Saturday, January 26, 2008

honestly i'm not wrong, right?

every now and then i like to check my horroscope (and yes it's a deliberate misspelling. i've done that ever since i loved the eve6 album horroscope.) at this particular site. it's something bout the humourous way it's written that i like. not that i really believe it or anything...

so my horroscope for this week said that mercury is going backwards in my love zone. "this means that for some, there will be an ex who looms large out of the shadows of the past and back into your life." and by gosh i think it just might have been right afterall.

last night i met up with the yummy mommy for comedy night at the club that dj guy now works in. when i arrived, she was waiting outside the club for me and chatting with dj guy. hugs went round. as usual there was that nice lil linger of his hand on my waist. i told myself that i was going to be friendly and normal and i was.

later a few guy friends joined us in the club and we all stayed, tossing back the drinks (honestly i lost count) and listening to the new live band. the yummy mommy and i even danced it out. it was an all round fun time.

dj guy came round to our table a few times. we chatted a bit. he poked me playfully in the tummy, squeezed my arm, smoothed my hair, kissed my head and even shared a seat with me for a while.

i don't dare to read too much into all this but honestly i don't think that i'm wrong to think that he still does have feelings for me right?

as i was getting ready to leave, i realised that he had stepped outta the club. so i decided to call him to find out where he was. he then waited for me to walk over and have a chat.

one of the things i like bout him is that he's rather observant. he noticed right off that i was hurt (i fell bout 2 weeks ago while running on the road and had scraped my elbow). the wound was already healing and the scab was half gone. it wasn't noticeable in the day let alone in the dark. but he did.

after a short chat, he walked me to get a taxi. we did our usual goodbye cheek kisses.

then he pecked me on the lips.

i mean a peck on the lips isn't a huge deal... i would have much preferred a makeout session with him that i've missed. but given everything we've gone through and how i'm starting to think that he views this sorta thing as more important than some other guys. honestly i'm not wrong to think that he still does have feelings for me right?

'coz honestly, i still have feelings for him and it would absolutely make me happy if we could have another try...



At 11:04 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi Jo - I've been following your blog for a little while now (although I've not been commenting) and as a girl in her late twenties who consistently goes for the younger guys and messes up most real opportunities that come her way, I just want to say a little something.

As I see it: You like dj guy (that much is obvious six posts away), and I agree he seems to have feelings for you. You made a mistake before with his friend, but your relationship was very vague - as you've mentioned, there was no commitment, no promises...

So, that brings us to now. You like him, he seems to like you, you miss him... My burning question is: Why don't you ask him out? Get out of the bars where he works, and actually see if there's something real and worthwhile between the two of you, something that brings you more joy than pain. Seems to me it's a waste not to act on shared feelings, shared chemistry! I know it's scary, and that neither of you are really ready to move out of the safe zone of drunken making out/flirting, but you seem to want more. And, trust me, you don't want to play the "what if" game forever - "what if I hadn't hooked up with his friend?", "what if he really had feelings for me, and neither of us did anything about it?", etc.

My best relationships have been when I was shit scared - because I had something to lose (him!), because I was scared of getting hurt (until I realized that it also hurt not to take a chance on a guy when I really liked him), because I was letting someone into my heart - and when the guys were scared, too!

Are you just waiting/hoping/wanting him to ask you out? Maybe he's not because he's scared too, and because of the incident.. But seems like he's mellowing a bit of late, and I think you can convince him, show him that he can trust you if he sees that you won't go after his friends (or any other guy) when he has an official claim on you.

So what if you ask him out and he says no? Again, when I say out, I someplace other than the bar, not just outside the bar when he's working and you're drunk, and for a real, unambiguous "date-like" activity. If he turns you down, by this point, it can't become much more awkward and painful for you, can it? Cause I don't see how you can stand to go on like this much longer...

Good luck!

At 2:15 AM, Blogger Scotty said...

Interesting... I too wonder what he is thinking over there.

At 5:25 PM, Blogger jo said...

M: it's always nice to have a lurker de-lurk :P

yeah dj guy and i really do need to go out properly. he himself has mentioned that a few times before. and i agreed. he's asked but never confirmed. i've asked but never set a day. it's just a case of no one really following through.

the shared feelings and shared chemistry is the thing that gets to me the most. i think i wouldn't have hung on as long if i didn't feel that strong mutual draw. but that also spells out my demise...

i am shit scared. and i believe he's just as shit scared too. possibly 'coz neither one of us are sure if we're even ready for a relationship.

i don't know what to do... and i'm even more confused given what happened yesterday... i feel a post coming on soon...

At 7:56 AM, Blogger The Ambiguous Blob said...

There's always the chance that he's a player and you're his game...
OR he doesn't know what to do about his feelings for you.
OR who knows???


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