the christmas dumps

a lil late but merry christmas to everyone.

it's funny how for a church-going girl, i've never really been big on the whole festive thing. i don't do any decorations, not really into singing carols and don't even exchange presents. this year is probably worst 'coz of my impending festive exams (which incidentally stretches over past new year as well)... and well i haven't exactly been feeling in the highest of moods lately...

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so recently i was having an IM conversation with my bodybuilder friend when he suddenly said...

bodybuilder friend: have you as a gf no need to worry abt you being unfaithful

i admit that struck a chord with me. is that true? would no guy have to worry bout me being unfaithful?

few months ago i would have agreed wholeheartedly. but given that incident with dj guy, honestly it now plants that lil seed of doubt in my mind... 'coz i don't really know what i'm capable of... i guess no one really does know. we can only just keep trying to be better people. and if nothing, i suppose the lesson i take away with me is that i can never be too sure of what i think of myself to be. wasn't there a saying? something bout better the devil you know. at least now i can step up efforts to make sure nothing like that happens again.

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recently i was hit with a realisation that all this crappy and heartache and pining and missing dj guy feeling that i've been feeling is like a breakup where i've been dumped. which i suppose is kinda weird since i wasn't in a relationship to start off with. and yet i'm pretty sure this is kinda what it feels like when you made a mistake and got dumped 'coz of it despite realising that it was a stupid mistake and that you really would like a second chance.

oh i hate breaking up... and funny how i thought i could prevent breaking up by not even getting together in the first place...