Sunday, July 27, 2008

distract, delude & date

so i thought that maybe it'd be easier if i had been "serial dating" before i found out that the ad-man is now attached. but on hindsight maybe feeling the pain and then "serial dating" immediately after isn't too bad an idea either.

i feel considerably less in pain now. and i'm not sure if it's 'coz i'm distracting myself by "serial dating". or maybe it's 'coz i've moved on to more than just being sad at being rejected by someone i really liked, but being sad that i've lost someone that i could talk and open up to. i mean i'm a big girl, if he's not interested, that's fine, i can handle it. but losing a friend is proving to be harder than i thought.

that said, i'm surprised that i'm purged outta this faster than i expected. oh i'm sure the feelings will come back to haunt me from time to time, just like it always has with guys who made it to my heart. and everytime i try and make a new connection with a new guy, it will be a reminder to me as to how there was just an instant rapport with the ad-man. and everytime i have a superficial conversation with a new guy, i will miss the kind of conversations that i used to have with the ad-man. and everytime i wonder if i will ever find someone who understands me and accepts me for all the not-quite-open-book that i am, i will think of what the ad-man told me... that people would know me not 'coz of what i tell 'em but 'coz they understand me.

but even as i would be reminded of all the great things bout the ad-man, i will also remember the way he chose to approach this situation. i will remember that his new girlfriend isn't all that hot afterall and that i don't believe i'm any less awesome than she might be. and i will remember what the guy based in missouri said...

guy based in missouri: as for *insert name of the ad-man*, if a guy doesn't have the guts to tell you that he isn't interested anymore, it shows a lack of character
guy based in missouri: which i think you are going to be quite happy without

****

in my first foray back into "serial dating", i started with someone who normally wouldn't be my type...

on his online dating site profile he had stated "single", but in his email to me he 'fessed up that he was divorced. i admit that i had to stop and think for a bit. on one hand i was initially interested enough to have winked at him and he in return sent me an email telling me the truth. was i going to veto him immediately 'coz of his failed marriage? i decided to just give it a try and after a few emails we decided to meet for lunch on friday.

lunch was short but the divorcee proved to be cute (though on the short side), eloquent and seemingly nice enough. it's hard to tell in an hour. we didn't immediately have a whole lotta things to say but found some common ground when we realised that we went to the same school (he is 2 years my senior) and hence knew a few mutual friends. most shocking of all is that i realised that i knew his ex-wife. in fact at one point she and i actually did get along quite well. she was a year older and as a teenager, i looked up to her 'coz she was beautiful, smart and could get any guy she wanted.

i wanted to ask what happened and so at the first opening i got, i tentatively approached the subject. he didn't seem too open yet so i didn't push it. all he said was that they drifted apart. i have a feeling that he's still in the process of getting over the 4 year marriage. afterall he actually called her his "wife" when (hopefully) by now she's supposed to be his ex-wife.

i'm not holding my breath for this one. maybe he himself might not be ready. and maybe despite all my evolving, i may not be ready for a divorcee either. but that said, if he asks, i will definitely meet up with him again.

****

this guy emailed me some time ago and i didn't respond for a month. i admit that i had been contemplating. i wasn't really attracted to him, that was probably what held me back that long. and yet i couldn't deny that i had to give him props for originality in his email. he seemed fun and i was in the confused state with the ad-man so in the end i decided to reply to his email. he graciously accepted my apology for not responding earlier and we exchanged a few emails and brief IM conversations before he asked me out for dinner on saturday.

the indian lawyer was more attractive than i expected and we did have a pretty good time talking and laughing. we even wound up clubbing which i suppose is quite strange for a first date. it certainly felt strange that he should see me in my "party persona" so soon. anyhow it was all pretty fun though i think i might be getting the just friends vibe. afterall he didn't think to send me home in a taxi when it was 4am nevermind me not living on the same side of town as he does. anyhow if he asks me out again, i'd definitely go out with him.

****

while i was out with the indian lawyer, i received a text from a guy at bout 3am. he's a guy that i got to know from the online dating site who i've been IMing pretty regularly. i don't really know that much bout him (other than besides a day job, he's also a drummer in a band), our IM conversations have always been a lil flirty. but recently we've been texting each other. and so at 4am in the morning we were texting each other. it's not a booty call, it was 'coz he was aware of my nocturnal behavior. he called me at 5am and we chatted for an hour. the conversation was better than i expected.

drummer boy and i have been talking bout meeting up but so far nothing has been definite. he doesn't seem like he can plan too much and i'm not sure bout him. but so far, i'm okay with the way things are. with us IMing or texting throughout the day.

****

and in line with trying to keep myself busy with new boys, i have another date lined up on tuesday and this new guy who i find interesting emailed me. sometimes i think it's tiring... trying to make new connections with new guys. and it's especially tiring when there i thought that i had made a great connection with the ad-man and allowed myself to be deluded for an instance that maybe that was all the connection i really needed to make. i guess i don't have a choice but to keep trying to "serial date" or whatever and hope that eventually something works out somehow.

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9 Comments:

At 1:11 AM, Blogger Crashdummie said...

mmm a musician...i like the sound of that.

Although drummer boy makes me think of "The Little Drummer Boy", you know the christmas song?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=prcz3dx8GSQ

:D

 
At 1:59 AM, Blogger Anomylous said...

i wish i could be as open-minded as you. i can't get past most of the pics on the site i'm on let alone contact them.

 
At 2:10 AM, Blogger jo said...

crashy: yeah gotta love musicians :P i was actually thinking of that christmas song when i nicknamed drummer boy. but of 'coz the irony is that this drummer boy is a hardcore rock kinda drummer boy haha!

anomylous: girl, i used to be exactly like you. actually i think in some ways i still am. i don't think i'm all that attracted to most guys (which is a sad thing) but this time round i decided to force myself to be a lil less discerning. so if i was semi-interested in him in general, i'd force myself to contact the person. i figure that that was the proactive way instead of waiting for the one i didn't mind to contact me. i might as well contact him and force him to look at my profile and hopefully find me fascinating.

 
At 6:33 AM, Blogger SaneAndSingle said...

Jo: I find very few men attractive too. I mean I can look at them and see why they would be considered attractive, but I really feel the spark or urge to want to converse with or get to know most of them. It is sad. It definitely makes serial dating difficult!

 
At 6:59 AM, Blogger Crashdummie said...

so he is more animal from the muppets than the lil' drummer boy...

all i can say is wow... a totally insane musicians chasing around screaming: "WOOO-MAAN"... club me down bubba and drag me to your cave? *grrr* hehehehe

 
At 7:54 AM, Anonymous Ecrivain said...

Oooh...can I nominate myself for president in this little club? See, the thing is, I get dubbed "picky" just because I'm not attracted to a lot of guys. But...that being said, I've done what you're attempting to do now. Sometimes, you're surprised...I'll allow for that. I just wish one of those leaps of faith on a guy I wasn't initially physically attracted to had panned out, you know?

Fingers crossed for you, though!

 
At 3:19 PM, Blogger jo said...

saneandsingle: i totally feel you. i need that certain sparkage. and somehow for me that's hard to come by. and even if i do feel the sparkage, it's not always sparking on the right kinda guy.

crashy: actually drummer boy is kinda sweet-ish. but more on that later haha!

ecrivain: yay to us for even trying to try. i think i'm not just not really attracted to a lot of guys, i don't really trust a whole lotta guys either. actually in general i'm just relatively private like that. i keep wishing for that cliche thing where you know apparently you kept your heart locked up and then you find this special guy and turns out he had the key all along. crap i'm such a sap sometimes haha!

 
At 12:10 AM, Blogger Miss Pickle said...

I've been MIA for so long, I have so much to catch up on!! Sounds like you're getting back into the swing of things, good for you...one word of advice, and hopefully you don't think I'm being too pushy...be very, VERY careful with the divorcee!! Especially if he seems like he hasn't dealt with it fully yet. That's what I got involved with when months ago when you and I were e-mailing, and it broke my heart and still continues to do so every day, because he just never dealt with it before getting involved with me!

 
At 2:12 PM, Blogger jo said...

miss pickle: it's so great to hear from you again. in fact i was JUST thinking of you. what a coincedence eh? :P

thanks so much for your advice. yeah i kinda figured as much that i should tread carefully with the divorcee. that said, he's not exactly rushing to ask me out so maybe i don't have anything to worry bout anyway. then again he's away this week on business trip. i guess we'll see if anything even happens...

 

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