is this a joke?

sometimes i'm not sure if i can tell if someone is joking anymore...

in a recent conversation with the med student, we suddenly wound up on the topic of sex. or more importantly he started interrogating me on my views bout various things relating to sex.

now as long as i'm relatively comfy with the person, i'm not really that embarrassed talking bout sex and relationships. it's just that generally i'm not exactly an open book so it's hard for me to open up and share. but since i'm definitely very comfy with the med student, i was somewhat surprised that i found myself being able to share with him pretty openly.

but i must admit that i wondered how the heck did this conversation come bout and if there was any hidden agenda.

we were chatting all fine and dandy when his IM decides to go cranky on him and refuse to let him sign in. just as the conversation was getting interesting. soon enough i received his text and we started on a lil back and forth texting. and then...

the med student: so here is the offer. if ya need an awesome time, ya most welcome to find me, but must get my gf approval 1st :P

say what??? was that an indecent proposal that i heard?

jo: what?? r u kidding?? how did this suddenly come bout?
the med student: kidding. anyway, seeking approval from my gf is like courting death so its impossible

so does that mean that if he didn't have to seek approval, it wouldn't be impossible?

jo: now i dont know if ure joking or not. was ur offer for real?
the med student: of course its a joke rt, how would ya even have to guts to approach my gf with such an audacious request.
jo: haha! well tt clears things up :)

at least i thought it did...

the med student: well. if i dun have a gf i probably would have offered.

we texted a lil more and then...

the med student: but anyway, i think ya very attractive personality.
jo: thanks. i think e same of u too.
the med student: at this rate we r flirting, i so forsee us sleeping together.

what??

so basically i have no idea anymore if he was kidding or not. but it doesn't hide the possibility that we are mutually attracted to each other.

****

but i think that drummer boy must be kidding me...

someone who takes that long to reply to an open honest email pouring out my heart, just mustn't be interested enough to bother to reply timely.

it's not like he's drafted out the reply email and then spent days thinking bout whether to send it and when. that's my job. i'm sure coming up with an email takes him all of 2 seconds. he just can't be bothered to find that 2 seconds.

thanks a lot. that freaking hurts. i thought that he was different. i thought that he actually truly cared and liked me. but turns out he's pretty much the same as the rest of 'em before. he couldn't even keep his interest for more than a month. i'd like to think that i'm more deserving than that.

i don't regret all that happened. but i think i just might regret that i got deeply emotionally involved. and now i'm just trying so hard to forget him. and to ignore every stab in my heart when i suddenly find myself thinking of him and the places that we went...