do i scare you?

it started off as dinner on friday night. the swedish guy and i went to a place he suggested where he had previously raved bout the mussels. incidentally it was the place where my one of my friend's wedding was held... the place where i made out with the guy from the wedding.

the mussels were great. and the company was excellent per usual. after dinner we were left pondering on what to do next when we impulsively decided to head back to his place to watch a movie.

the movie was good. definitely had quite a few laughs there. and after the movie, he played some slow chill out music and we sat on the couch talking. sure there were the tickles, a time where i felt my breathing labored as he sat really close with his arm around the back of the couch while we read lyrics together and when he lifted up his shirt to show me his slouchy pants and exposed a nice set of slightly toned abs.

and then his french flatmate came back. she travels a fair bit and this was the first time i've ever seen her. she wasn't particularly friendly though. and that was when we decided not to disturb her and take it from the hallway couch to his bedroom.

we wound up lying on his bed talking. i have no idea how we manage to talk that much. from books to our lifes to everything else in between. there were a few tickles and cuddles but that was pretty much it. i wonder how we managed to spend that much time together and wind up cuddling in bed without so much as a kiss. does he just move really slow? is he not attracted to me enough? did i somehow manage to intimidate him??

he did ask me if i wanted to stay over. afterall it was 2.30am and we were already in bed. i declined and he walked me down where i made my way back home.

we have planned another movie time on tuesday... where i have no doubt that we will indeed watch a movie just like we have done so all the previous times...

****

in the past few weeks i've been chatting on IM with a guy from the online dating site. i guess i never felt like he was particularly interested or anything. afterall he jokes bout my "hot dates" and straight up tells me that he's not looking for a relationship. all well and good for me since i wasn't sure if i found him attractive and i am afterall interested in the swedish guy and somehow my new "monogamistic dater" side doesn't seem to let me "run around" like that.

but he asked me out and i agreed to meet him and we settled for saturday night after dinner for coffee.

he was more attractive than expected. we went dutch. though i think we did click in some ways, i'm quite sure that we aren't suitable. he's an alpha male. and though not a player, quite a game player. i'm not sure if i can deal with that. and while confidence is a great thing, i sometimes wondered if the alpha game player's confidence occasionally bordered on arrogance.

however he did seem to have an uncanny way of sussing me out relatively accurately. though it was kinda sad to hear him say that i probably only appealed to a very niche market of guys. i believe his odds were like only 10% of guys. it's not that i doubt that. i've always known that i probably intimidate most guys. the sad story of my life...