i'm serious when i say that i just don't know

honestly i just have no idea at all. no idea what to think or how to feel. in fact i think i'm too tired out to even think in complete paragraphs.

so here's what's been kinda happening so far...

• i texted the swedish guy on wednesday to ask how he was feeling (he was sick on monday) and told him to let me know when he was well enough and free enough to meet up
• he replied that we could meet that very night
• i told him that i was busy and suggested thursday
• he replied that he was looking to watch a swedish vampire movie and invited me to join, mentioning something bout trying to get a small group together for dinner and the movie
• i declined 'coz while i'm curious bout a swedish movie, i don't do horror movies
• i had a chat with my friend who told me that if i was really interested in him, i could try and step it up before i went on my short beach holiday trip next wednesday
• i took her advice
• i texted him on thursday to ask if he was free on sunday or monday
• he replied that he was free that night
• turns out the movie thing got cancelled... but i was a lil disappointed that he didn't think to contact me when his plans freed up
• but we met up
• i was told to surprise him on where to go for dinner
• i eventually decided on a cozy sandwich cafe that i went once before half a year ago and wasn't even sure if i could still find it
• turns out that he was in fact always wanting to try that place so i guess that coincedence worked out
• after dinner we headed to his fave beer bar near his place
• despite a shaky conversation start in the beginning, we really had great conversation later over drinks
• we even talked bout meeting up on sunday (he wasn't sure if he was meeting some other friends) for a movie day at his place

and here's the thing...

• i'm not in "love" or anything but i'm very interested though sometimes i wonder if maybe i'm not as interested as i think
• but if that's the case, it's only 'coz i have no idea how he feels and i'm just trying to be self preserving
• i have no idea how he feels
• seriously i have no idea. how does one know these things??
• he travels waaay too much... and it's for leisure. i mean the guy can't seem to just stay here for a weekend!
• he has soo many friends and social stuff going on
• and yet he's said before that he thinks that what's missing in his life is a steady girlfriend and that he thinks he's ready for one
• then again he admitted that he doesn't fall in love easily and that he will need to think more when it comes to the next girlfriend

by the way did i mention that i just don't know?