how to deal

there was another one of those event nights during the event where we look for an excuse to drink. i got to know some of the pro athletes’ “helpers / advisors” and some various other people working on the event. by the end of the night we had a group of the core team hanging around drinking and chilling out.

later in the night cutie aussie colleague, a woman from another company that we work with and i decided to head down to a club to meet up with some others including the cute aussie of the namecard giving and his girlfriend (who also happens to be our client contact and she and i have become somewhat “friends”). i hadn’t danced it out in what seems like ages. i reckon dancing wise, it was a pretty fun time. cute aussie of the namecard giving’s girlfriend is fun to party with. but i must say that i was also a bit disappointed...

cutie aussie colleague and the woman from the other company that we work with was joking around a lot and dancing together. it hit me harder when he was dancing behind her with his hands on her waist. that made me feel that much less special when we previously danced together… not that we really danced together this time anyway... and he didn't wrap his arms around her waist or had his hands running down her arms... at least i don't think so... not that i stared... i mean i don’t really have a reason to think that this necessarily means anything ‘coz this woman is getting married at the end of the year. and besides this pro athlete’s “helper / advisor” was doing the same thing with me... okay well he had his arms around my waist... i suppose in part i kinda went along with it ‘coz i was trying to be unphased by cutie aussie colleague and the pro athlete’s “helper / advisor” was cute. but it didn’t mean much anyway since we weren’t ever properly introduced and i reckon we both acted a lil too cool to care when he said goodbye to the rest of the group. i saw him the next morning at the event and at least we acknowledged each other with a smile. i suppose that’s bout it. i can deal.

but it’s harder to deal when you actually like the guy. and like how it’s harder to deal with cutie aussie colleague, it’s harder to deal with the swedish guy not contacting me at all for a week. i really do like that guy and i thought that we had potential. and then nothing. he knew that this was my big week… event week. and you would have thought that he would just drop me a message every now and then to find out how i was. but he obviously doesn’t care or think of me enough.

it sucks. i mean seriously. and i’m pretty much sick and tired of it all. i’m tired with wondering what’s wrong with me that i’ve never been able to find someone. it’s demoralizing. and it’s not like all other areas of my life is going so fabulously well that i should feel that it’s “okay” to be short-changed in this area.

i think i must have been trying in my own way to forget bout the swedish guy (plus the fact that i mean it's drummer boy) 'coz i engaged in some flirty IMing with drummer boy. we essentially kinda agreed that we should make out. i'm not sure if that will ever happen again though frankly i don't mind though logically i probably shouldn't but hey it's drummer boy.

but then that might not serve the purpose of helping me forget all the boys in my life... sometimes i really wonder if i should switch camps and bat for the other team. afterall i did have a very highly ranked lesbian pro athlete checking me out...